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  1. Past hour
  2. What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby……Cutting a rug.
  3. Time flies like an arrow……But fruit flies like a banana.
  4. Hear that one about Covid-19……It went viral.
  5. A Roman soldier walks into a bar and says……Castlemaine XXXX……The bartender says……Right, forty Castlmaines coming up.
  6. When life gives you melons……You might be dyslexic.
  7. Whats in a name A man sees a nice-looking girl in a bar, so he goes up and starts small talk. Since she seems receptive, he asks her name. "Carmen," she replies. "That's a nice name," he says, warming up the conversation, "Who named you, your mother?" "No, I named myself," she answers. "Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?" "Because I like cars, and I like men," she says looking directly into his eyes. "What's your name?" the woman asks. "Beervagina," he replies.
  8. uk666

    Bus Crash

    Bus Crash A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably: “My wife missed the bus.”
  9. Yesterday
  10. Astrological Afterwards It is possible to deduce the zodiac sign of a new sex partner by the first thing they say after coitus. Aries: OK, let’s do it again. Taurus: I’m hungry. Pass me the pizza. Gemini: Have you seen the remote? Cancer: When are we getting married? Leo: Wasn’t I fantastic? Virgo: I need to wash the sheets. Libra: I liked it if you liked it. Scorpio: Perhaps I should untie you. Sagittarius: Don’t call me – I’ll call you. Capricorn: Do you have a business card? Aquarius: Now let’s try with our clothes off. Pisces: What did you say your name was again?
  11. John Travolta has been hospitalised with Covid19……But the doctors have confirmed it was only Saturday Night Fever and he was Staying Alive.
  12. What’s the best way to avoid touching your face……A glass of wine in each hand.
  13. What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine……Inside jokes.
  14. So many coronavirus jokes out there……It’s a pundemic.
  15. Still no toilet paper in the stores……They’re wiped out and you’re shit out of luck.
  16. Antique Shopping After retiring from a busy life in business, Claire travels around the country visiting antique shops trying to find bargains. One day she goes to an antique shop in the city. She speaks to the shop’s owner and says: “When I was in here last week, I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I’d like to buy it.” “Sorry,” replies the owner, “but I can’t possibly sell you that.” “Oh, what a pity, but why not?” inquires Claire. “Because,” says the owner: “That’s my husband.”
  17. uk666

    Bible Study

    Bible Study A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, " We will all die someday, and none of us really know when, but if we did, we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event." "Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment." Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?" A gentleman said, "I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives." "Very good!", said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do. One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction." "That’s wonderful!" the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do. But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, "I would go to my mothers-in-law house for the 4 weeks." Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, "Why your mother-in-law's home?" "Because that will make it the longest 4 weeks of my life!"
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