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Quiet Sex life Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, 'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?' She glanced at him casually and replied: 'You're never home!'

Guy Collapses A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: "Hi, I am 7-foot-tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch d*ck and my name is Turner Brown". The small guy faints!! The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy. "What's wrong?". The small guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". ‘’Hi, I am 7-foot-tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch d*ck and my name is Turner Brown" The small guy says, "thank god, I thought you said turn around".

If Men Ruled the World Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you." Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the butt and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it. Birth control would come in ale or lager. You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Amanda Hugnkiss." The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. Tanks would be far easier to rent. Garbage would take itself out. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps." Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!" Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. "Cops" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football From A Different Camera Angle." Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.