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The Wedding A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl - box seats plus airfares, accommodation etc., but he didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Church, in New York City, at 5 pm. Her name's Louise, she's 5'4", about 125 lbs., good cook, makes $150,000 a year. She will be the one in the white dress.

oh that's simply disgusting..

lol.. too cute..

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. - Lao Tzu

omg thats raw.. what did the father think the boyfriend was gunna do with the vaseline..

hahaha.. serves them right.. then they took the curtain rods in the end.. hilarious..

Believe you can and you’re halfway there. - Theodore Roosevelt

If you want political change in the world you need to crowdfund assassins on the dark web to systematically murder the CEOs of the FTSE 100 until they all agree to stop evading tax.

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ask and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock and the door will be opened for you. - Jesus

The Prostar’s Baby A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the midwife. "No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own." After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman: "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black." "Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man was black." "Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair." "Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see, the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy." "Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes." "Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice." At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!" "What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark." The midwife fainted.