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Today I was beaten up by a Woman...! I was in the elevator when that busty lady got in. I was staring at her boobs, when she said, would you please press 1. So, I did. I don't remember much afterwards....

Cheating Mathematics Cheating husband decided to write this letter to his wife. My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife, I will be spending the evening with my 18 years old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset, I shall be back before midnight". When the man came home late that night, he found a reply of his letter on the dining room table: My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile and like your secretary, he is 18 years old. You being a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference; 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Night Events You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body. You sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally, I drifted off to sleep. Today when I awoke, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you. Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you……… ………F***ing mosquitoes!

Senior dating ads These are actual ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspaper. Who says seniors don't have a sense of humour? ---------------------------------------------------- FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. ---------------------------------------------------- LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, Fainting, shortness of breath not a problem. ---------------------------------------------------- SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and Meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, Take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times. ---------------------------------------------------- WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier To share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy. ---------------------------------------------------- BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes. ---------------------------------------------------- MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads Together. ---------------------------------------------------- MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, Many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

pun ishment Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is too tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, You get repossessed With her marriage, She got a new name and a dress. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large. Once you've seen one shopping centre, You've seen a mall. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Dang wrong one

bawahaha.. u go johnny.. lmfao..

Angrily Father While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says: "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says: "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to…….?"

The Auto Air Conditioner The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on millions of Fords. They haggled back and forth and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so, to this day, all Ford air conditioners show: Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

wow that was very alcohol educational..

oh u stinker uk666.. yep u called it right.. i was busy for 40 secs and now feel like a proper dumbass.. lmao..