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Showing content with the highest reputation on 04/04/2019 in all areas

  1. 1 point
    Wedding Chaos The wedding ceremony came to the point where the minister asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. The moment of utter silence was broken when a beautiful young woman carrying a child stood up. She started walking slowly towards the minister. The congregation was aghast, you could almost hear a pin drop. The groom's jaw dropped as he stared at the approaching young woman and child. Chaos ensued. The bride threw the bouquet into the air and burst out crying. Then the groom's mother fainted. The best men started giving each other looks and wondering how to save the situation. The minister asked the woman, "Can you tell us, why you came forward? What do you have to say?" There was absolute silence in the church. The woman replied: "We can't hear you in the back."
  2. 1 point
    A Welcomed Change of Pace My goal for 2019 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza... I ate a pizza, are you happy? Just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web. One good part of getting old is you forget most of your mistakes quick! I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel. Senility has been a smooth transition for me. I do wish I could tell you my age but it’s impossible. It keeps changing all the time. The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside, they closed school? Yeah, Me neither. ‎Though nobody can go back and make a new beginning... Anyone can start over and make a new ending. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this. I love being almost 75, I learn something new every day and forget 5 others. Everything and everyone at their own pace. Flow with not against yourself. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him. A new year never dies; it just keeps on turning into a memory. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. you must always be yourself, and do things at your own pace. Someday, you'll catch up. Pass this along to your fellow seniors.
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