Leaderboard

Time Off I rung up work this morning, "My wife died last night." I explained. "I'm going to need some time off." "Oh, my goodness, that's awful." Replied the secretary. "We understand though, take as much time off as you need." "Thank you." I said: "It'll be about eighteen years, if I behave myself."

Dead Man The man was immaculately dressed. Fitted out more for the Ritz than the street. But in the street, he lay dressed in black tail suit, patent leather shoes, top hat and bow tie, and very dead. "How did he get here?" asked Patrolman. "He threw himself off the roof," said a bystander. "Does anyone know the man?" said the Patrolman. "I do," said Barrie Quinn. "What religion was he?" asked the Policeman. "Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim?' "None at all," said Quinn. "He's was an atheist!' "What a shame,' said the Patrolman. "All dressed up and nowhere to go!"

Finders Keepers Tom and his friend are walking down the street, when Tom spots a brown envelope on the pavement. He picks it up, examines the contents and puts it in his trousers pocket. Couple minutes later his friend asks Tom, "What was in the envelope?" "£500" replies Tom. "Why you look so sad", Tom said to his friend, "You should be over the moon, you and I are going to have some good time with this money " His friend pulls out a wage slip from his pocket and say to Tom: "Happy? look how much tax I have to paid on my £500!!"