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Dealing with Angry Wife Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'Lets do it!' ....and she's always sound asleep.

Definitions stopped for users of v16.x.x.x.x. If you want to update beyond August 14, they want to force you to install v18.x.x.x.x which again has altered the U.I. and seems to have even less functionality than before, is even being bad-mouthed over at Majorgeeks. I have MalwareBytes Free, which has co-existed with AVG. Quick Poll...what do you use? and has there ever been reports of Windows Defender [currently deactivated on my W7 system] killing a KMS installation or WAT/RemoveWAT? EDIT: For those that don't know, AVAST took over AVG just like they took over CCleaner last year.

NEW SEX STUDY It has been determined; the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.....

Rejected Hallmark Cards I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life, I've changed my mind. I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again. Someday I hope to marry someone other than you. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age; almost lifelike! When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise. We've been friends for a very long time. Why don't you say we stop? I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket, I'd miss you terribly and think of you often. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday; so we're having you put to sleep. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia.) Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder, what was I thinking? Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband.

yep this is exactly how i was raised and it was passed on to my son..

The Portrait An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist.... ....."Paint me with big diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex. " "But you are not wearing any of those things." The artist said. "I know," she reply. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for all this jewellery.’’

Darn it, thought I'd asked for something you wouldn't be able to get Thanks.

If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. - Tony Robbins

How to Make Sure You're Getting the Internet Speeds You're Paying For It’s probably been a while since you signed up for internet service, but you should have an idea of how fast your plan is. If not, give your ISP a call. Write down your plan’s maximum download and upload speeds. You can then use these speed-testing websites to see just your wifi’s actual performance stacks up to what you’re theoretically paying for. Before you begin, one quick word on testing: You’ll want to run a few speed tests at different times of the day across different sites, just in case your connection is suffering from congestion or any of the sites are under-reporting your speeds for whatever reason. Fast by Netflix Fast.com certainly lives up to its name, providing you with an almost immediate measurement of your download speeds in Mbps (megabits per second). If you click on “Show More Info” once the site’s measurement is finished, you can also test your upload speed and latency—how long it takes a webpage to start loading after you click a link. Fast.com also has an app if you want to check your speeds from your iOS or Android device. https://fast.com TestMy.net The speeds you see when testing your internet connection in the morning might not reflect the speeds you can expect to get in the afternoon or at night, when everyone is firing up Netflix after work. With TestMy.net, you can keep a tab open in your web browser and automatically measure your internet speed at different intervals throughout the day, which can help you figure out whether your ISP or your bandwidth-hogging neighbors are to blame for your connection. https://testmy.net Ookla Speedtest The Ookla Speedtest measures your download speed, upload speed, and latency, and separate apps are also available for checking the same statistics on iOS, Android, and your Windows or Mac computer. Create an account to save your results and chart all of your readings, which can help you figure out whether your speeds are falling (or improving) over long-term testing. http://www.speedtest.net Measurement Lab Network Diagnostic Tool If you need more detailed information than some of the other internet speed tests provide, consider Measurement Lab’s Network Diagnostic Tool. It isn’t flashy at first—giving you basic information on latency, download speeds, and upload speeds—but selecting the Details tab will show you even more advanced information: your packet loss, any network congestion, duplex mismatches, and whether it thinks you might have a cable fault (to name a few options). https://www.measurementlab.net/tests/ndt/ SourceForge Internet Speed Test Numbers only tell so much of a story. You can run a bunch of tests, sure, but how much speed do you really need to stream a movie or play an online game? SourceForge’s Internet Speed Test gives you many of the same statistics as our other options, but it also recommends services you’ll be able to use (or should avoid) based on your ping, download and upload speeds, and a combination of your packet loss, jitter, and latency. You’ll know, rather quickly, whether services like Skype, Netflix, or VoIP are worth trying on your connection. https://sourceforge.net/speedtest/

Grandpa In Hospital A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in hospital. "How are you grandpa?" he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man. "What's the food like?" he asked. "Terrific, wonderful menus." says the old man. "And the nursing?" inquired the young man. "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you." "What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?" "No problem at all - nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock, they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light." The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge. "What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving my 85-year-old grandfather Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?" "Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

HI @Paphos Please Check Below Video

The I Love You Virus Security experts and federal government authorities warn that offspring of the dangerous e-mail virus are now on the loose. As a public service, we present the following list of "I Love You" variations and how to recognise them: I Love You, But I'm Shy - Virus never actually invades your computer but collects data about it worship-fully from afar. Unrequited Love - Virus causes your computer to be so obsessed with a virus-a virus that it can never have that, it can no longer function. Love The One You're With - Virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade. Can't We Just Be Friends - Virus makes your computer think it's interested in invading. Then, just when your computer is getting excited about the invasion, it breaks off the connection with your computer, dashing its hard drive against the rocks. One Night Stand - Virus invades your computer, turns its hard drive upside down, then disappears after promising to come back sometime. But it leaves a twenty in your online bank account. Happily Married - Virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life. Unhappily Married - Virus spends a long time negotiating with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time. I Can't Commit - Virus hangs around a computer for a long time and frequently sends messages that it intends to invade, but is really just interested in playing with your computer's data. It's Just A Physical Thing - Virus invades your computer on a regular basis, but no meaningful data is ever exchanged. I Want A Divorce - Virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer is never turned on, then finally leaves. But it returns some time later and takes half of your computer's best data in an ugly network session. Little Virus Of The Evening - Virus will do anything to your computer--if you're willing to pay the right price. Stalker - Virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and trying to record its most intimate functions. Forever Single - Virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers that are totally incompatible with it. Deadbeat Dad - Virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows. Married Too Long - Virus splits your PC into two partitions that never interface-one that does too much online shopping and one that never does anything except monitor espn.com.

Thanks for the speed test info Tech425 !

Bar her for lifw I say...

The Husband, the Wife and the Laptop A woman helps her husband to set up a new laptop. Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, selecting a word that he'll always remember. As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife and with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye, he types "myp*nis". As he hits "enter" to validate the selection, his wife collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysterics. The laptop had replied: TOO SHORT- ACCESS DENIED!

The weeping Frenchman During World War II, the Nazi regime incited all sorts of emotion when it stormed into neighbouring European countries. This man broke down into somber tears as he watched Nazi troops march into Paris, France. 1940. The Frenchman crying as the flags of fallen France were marched through the streets of Marseilles on their way to Africa. The man’s face conveys a sense of grief so profound as to transcend our expectations.

all off these quotes r so very profoundly powerful and so true.. i wish every parent lived by theses.. i try these all raising my son and its been so very very rewarding.. thank u neo for posting these for ppl to see.. well done sir..

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. - Unknown

It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings. - Ann Landers

Farmer A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that's so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: OK, but that's not so bad, So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Again? Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Man: Hmmm... Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...