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bmo

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Everything posted by bmo

  1. bmo

    Huge fire

    Good Paddy Joke...
  2. bmo

    Bra Fitting

    Good choice for her and more fun for him...
  3. bmo

    Valuable Elements

    Sounds Like He got a great education by watching Mom...
  4. bmo

    Cut Off What

    Run Mountain Man Run...
  5. bmo

    Goodnight Kiss

    Gotta remember that comeback... Neato...
  6. 1. Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated withgrease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.2.Law of Gravity -Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.3.Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.4.Law of Random Numbers -If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.5.Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.5.Law of the Bath -When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.6.Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.7.Law of the Result -When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!8.Law of Biomechanics -The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.9. The Coffee Law -As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.10.Murphy's Law of Lockers -If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.11. Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.12. Law of Logical Argument -Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.13. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!
  7. bmo

    First Aid

    Cool...
  8. bmo

    Good News & Bad News

    Typical Evangelical even on TV...
  9. bmo

    Say Grace

    Mouths of children... grin...
  10. bmo

    Lip Stick

    Smart guy...
  11. bmo

    Name Awareness

    As Gomer Pile Would Say - Surprise, Surprise...
  12. bmo

    Sports Repairman

    Yup - Great Job...
  13. Now I know More Stuff...
  14. bmo

    A Brave Husband

    What hospital did he wake up in..?
  15. bmo

    Pass It On

    Smart Boss...
  16. bmo

    Great Understanding

    After years they know Stuff...
  17. bmo

    The Super Salesman

    I think he's blonde..?
  18. bmo

    Head On Accident

    Good Answer...
  19. bmo

    Shiny Diamond Ring

    I'll bet he was a lawyer..!
  20. bmo

    Burning Brakes Smell

    I would be too... Ha Ha...
  21. bmo

    Super Healthy Granny

    Well spoken...
  22. bmo

    The Sandwich Situation

    Were they blonde ladies...??
  23. A.A.A.D.D. - KNOW THE SYMPTOMS..! Thank GOD there's a name for this disorder. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, And notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back On the table and take out the garbage first... But then I think, Since I'm going to be near the mailbox When I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, And see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, So I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Diet Coke I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, But first I need to push the Diet Coke aside So that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Diet Coke is getting warm, And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Diet Coke, A vase of flowers on the counter Catches my eye--they need water. I put the Diet Coke on the counter and Discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, But first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter , Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, But first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, But quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, Get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to Remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: The car isn't washed, The bills aren't paid, There is a warm can of Diet Coke sitting on the counter, The flowers don't have enough water, There is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, And I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, And I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, And I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.. Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!
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