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Ed & Norma Ed and his wife Norma went to the state fair every year, and every year Ed would say, “Norma, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Norma always replied, “I know Ed , but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.” One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said, “Norma, I’m 75 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.” To this, Norma replied, “Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.” The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny.” “But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.” Ed and Norma agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word… When they landed, the pilot turned to Ed and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!” Ed replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Norma fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”

Drunken cowboy A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in a Calgary theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient: “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.” Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police. The Officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy what’s your name?” “Sam,” the cowboy moaned. “Where ya from, Sam?” asked the Policeman. With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Sam replied, “__the balcony__”

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Comparative is important but surly superlative is more important?

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The Age Barometer How many do you remember? 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles 5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H Green Stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with levers 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulbs 20. Beanie and Cecil 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt

The Shadow Project Watch your back! In The Shadow Project, Brooklyn photographer Katie Sokoler matched unsuspecting pedestrians with whimsical construction paper shadows. Sokoler hid out with her camera to capture the moment that subjects walked into art.

Money can make you do funny things A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. A few seconds and a satisfying glance later, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks: “Who was that?” “It was Bob, from next door,” she replies. “Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

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What's up dog?

Engineers vs. Business Executives.... Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows, Work = Power * Time Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have: Work = Knowledge x Money Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work ÷ Knowledge Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done. Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.

A family was walking in store when the father sees a robot. The tag says that the robot slaps anyone who lies. Intrigued, the man buys it and tests it at the dinner table. “So son, where were you after school today?” the dad asks, the robot next to him. “Oh, I was at the library studying for my test.” The robot slaps the son. “Okay, okay, I was at a friend’s house watching something.” the son admits. “What were you watching?” the father asks. “Cartoons,” he says. The robot slaps the son’s face. “Alright, I’m sorry, I was watching dirty movies” he confesses. The father frowns at the son. “I’m disappointed in you. When I was your age, I never watched or even thought about watching that type of thing.” The robot slaps the father hard. The mother, who was watching all this, laughed. “Well, he certainly is your son.” The robot then slaps the mother.

Here are some facts from the USA, last turn of the century. * The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven. * Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub. * Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars. * There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads. * The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph. * Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union. * The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower. * The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour. The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year. * A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year. * More the 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home. * Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard". * Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound * Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo. * Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants. * The five leading causes of death in the US were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza; 2. Tuberculosis; 3. Diarrhea; 4. Heart disease; 5. Stroke. * The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet. * Drive-by shootings in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy- were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West. * The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families. * Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented. * There were no Mother's Day or Father's Day. One in ten US adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school. * Some medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm, hour after hour, of the sewing machine's foot pedals. They recommended slipping bromide - which was thought to diminish sexual desire - into the women's drinking water. * Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." * Punch-card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census. * Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one full-time servant or domestic. * There were about 230 reported murders in the US annually.

A two-year-old adrenaline junkie has wowed internet users with his tricks on the skateboard. Kahlei Stone-Kelly, a 2-year-old boy from Victoria, Australia, is probably the world's youngest skateboarder. The toddler prodigy has been skateboarding since since he was six months old and comes from the family of skate enthusiasts who compete around the country as a team. A video of Kahlei's skateboarding skills has gone viral on Facebook

Hi everyone. As you have already guessed, I am a new member of the cyberphoenix community. Thanks for having me!