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Everything posted by uk666

  1. how do you know when you are drowning in milk……When its past your eyes.
  2. What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu……One you need a “tweetment” and the other you need an “oinkment ”
  3. What kinds of pictures do hermit crabs take……Shellfies.
  4. How did Ebenezer Scrooge win the football game……The ghost of Christmas passed!
  5. What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo……A Broncosaurus.
  6. How does a squid go into battle……Well-armed.
  7. Three simple acts can stop Covid-19 outbreaks, study finds If People these three simple behaviours could stop most all of the Covid-19 pandemic, even without a vaccine or additional treatments, according to a new study. Three simple behaviours: People washed their hands regularly. Wore masks. Kept their social distance from each other. The study, published Tuesday in the journal PLoS Medicine, created a new model to look at the spread of the disease and prevention efforts that could help stop it. The contact rates in the study were based on people's interaction in the Netherlands, but the model is appropriate for other Western countries, the researchers at the University Medical Center Utrecht said "A large epidemic can be prevented if the efficacy of these measures exceeds 50%," they wrote. If, however, the public is slow, but does eventually change behaviour, it can reduce the number of cases, but not delay a peak in cases, according to the model. If governments shut down early, but no one takes additional personal protective steps, this would delay but not reduce a peak in cases. A three-month intervention would delay the peak by, at most, seven months, the study found. If government-imposed physical distancing was combined with disease awareness and personal steps, the height of the peak could be reduced, even after government imposed social distancing orders were lifted. "Moreover, the effect of combinations of self-imposed measures is additive," the researchers wrote. "In practical terms, it means that SARS-CoV-2 will not cause a large outbreak in a country where 90% of the population adopts handwashing and social distancing that are 25% efficacious." Even with self-imposed social distancing, contacts with others might not be totally eliminated. For instance, people who live together will interact, increasing the likelihood that someone could get sick. So small outbreaks are still likely. The authors argue that governments should educate the public about how the virus spreads and raise awareness about the crucial roles of self-distancing, handwashing and also mask use in controlling an ongoing epidemic. It does not differentiate between mandating some of these behaviours or encouraging them. There are limits to the model. It doesn't take into effect demographics, nor does it account for the imperfect isolation of people who are sick with Covid-19, meaning they can infect others who care for them in a health care setting or at home. It also doesn't account for the possibility of reinfection. American public health leaders have been echoing the sentiment of this study recently. The director of the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention told the Buck Institute for Research on Aging last Tuesday the country is "not defenceless." "If we all wore face coverings for the next four, six, eight, twelve weeks, across the nation, this virus transmission would stop," Dr. Robert Redfield said. Admiral Brett Giroir, a member of the White House coronavirus task force, said at a briefing from the US Health and Human Services Department Thursday that masks and physical distancing could quickly stop the spread of the pandemic. "If we have that degree of compliance with these simple measures, our models say that's really as good as shutting it down," Giroir said. "These simple facts can really shut down the outbreak without completely shutting down your local area." CNN
  8. A Toast To ALL The Biker Woman Who brighten up our lives, the ones who ride behind us, sometimes at our sides or out in the front. It takes a righteous woman to love a biker man, to pay the dues, follow the rules, and only a few can. They're the ones I'm toasting, the biker woman in our lives. So, lift your mugs and let’s drink to the biker woman. That rare and special breed, who care for us, who don't laugh at us, but laugh with us, who shed tears for us, and understand our creed. They feed us when were hungry, they warm us when were cold, sometimes they drive us crazy by not doing what they're told. But when we stick our chests out, they're there to watch our backs. and when we turn the lights out, they’re waiting in the sack. We wash our dirty dishes, and they polish up our chrome, they pay our bail when were in jail and we make our hovels home. Although we seldom say so, and some of us never do, we love our women deeply with a love that both strong and true. When we take them riding, or meet them in the wind, we know we are with our lover, friends, our own kind. Bless the biker woman one by one, because, Lord knows without them life wouldn’t be much fun. They party hearty with us, and match us drink for drink, they squeeze our bulging muscles, and laugh at all our jokes. They tease us and tempt us, with their charms. They whisper sweet things in our ears, and snuggle in our arms. But, above all else, we are companions in life. They wile us and beguile us, they impress us with their class, and just when we think we’ve got them all figured out, they show us their butts. But that’s part of the spirit that makes them who they are, and if they don’t have it, we wouldn’t go far. Down all the roads we’ve ridden, They’re the best we’ve ever found. So, Bro's lets drink to the ladies but only where they buy us another round.
  9. uk666


    Towing A man driving through the countryside accidentally went off the road and into a ditch. With his vehicle thoroughly stuck, the driver pleaded for help from a farmer passing by in his horse and buggy. The farmer said his horse, Benny, could easily pull the car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched the horse to the bumper of the car. He yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” but Benny didn’t move. Raising his voice, he yelled, “Come on, pull Ranger!” Still, Benny didn’t move. Then he loudly shouted, “Now pull, Fred, pull hard!” Benny just stood. It was then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Okay, Benny, pull.” And Benny pulled the car out of the ditch. The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer explained: “Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try.”
  10. Fly Like Superman Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman. "Sure, you can, Mickey," Charlie said, "Just flap your arms really hard." So, Mickey climbed up on the window sill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground just a few inches below. Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What the heck happened?!?" Charlie said: "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything someone tells him."
  11. The assistant asked the blonde whether she'd like her pizza cut into 6 pieces or 12. "Six please" she said......I could never eat 12.
  12. How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh……Ten tickles.
  13. You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day……I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
  14. My uncle was crushed by a piano……His funeral was very low key.
  15. Lost Dog. 3 legs, blind in one eye, missing right ear, tail broken, recently castrated……Answers to the name of "Lucky"'
  16. Which animal cheats in school……A cheetah.