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Everything posted by uk666

  1. uk666


    Farmer A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that's so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: OK, but that's not so bad, So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Again? Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Man: Hmmm... Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...
  2. Owner Shaming Their Chickens. Hilarious
  3. uk666

    The Sadness of an Old Man

    The Sadness of an Old Man Depicting extreme sadness, this photograph is beautiful in its own manner.
  4. uk666

    The Sadness of an Old Man

    This young boy had a very good reason for his shocked expression. He was born deaf, and he needed a hearing aid inserted into his ear. This picture was taken at the exact moment that the device was turned on and he could hear for the first time.
  5. uk666

    The Sadness of an Old Man

    Eternal Love This picture of an old couple acting like teenagers in love manages to prove the theory that love can actually be eternal.
  6. uk666

    The Sadness of an Old Man

    True Happiness Doesn’t Cost a Cent This unique photo showing an old man playing a musical instrument to a child in a wheelchair. The smile of both their faces prove once and for all that true happiness doesn’t cost a cent.
  7. uk666

    Guide To Safe Fax

    Guide To Safe Fax Q: Do I have to be married to have safe fax? A: Although married people fax quite often, many single people fax complete strangers every day. Q: My parents say they never had fax when they were young and were only allowed to write memos to each other until they were twenty-one. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax? A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedure. Q: If I fax something to myself, will I go blind? A: Certainly not, as far as we can see. Q: There is a place on my street where you can go and pay to fax, is this legal? A: Yes, many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a professional when their needs become too great. Q: Should a cover always be used for faxing? A: Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should always be used to insure safe fax. Q: What happens when I incorrectly do the procedure and I fax prematurely? A: Don't panic! Many people prematurely fax when they haven't faxed in a long time. Just start over, most people won't mind if you try again. Q: I have a personal and a business FAX. Can transmissions become mixed up? A: Being Bi-FAXual can be confusing, but as long as you use a cover with each one, you won't transmit anything you are not supposed to.
  8. uk666

    How "THEY" Do It

    How "THEY" Do It Accountants do it with Double Entry Acupuncturist do it with a small prick Ambulance driver comes quicker Australians do it Down Under Bach did it using the organ Bankers do it with interest Bartenders do it on the Rocks Batman does it using his Robin Bookkeepers do it for the record Bosses delegate the task to others Chess players check their Mates Cops do it with cuffs DJs do it on request Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure Dentist do it orally Detectives do it under cover Don't do it with Bankers, most of them are Tellers Elevator men do it up and down Engineers do it to specifications Engineers do it to a first order approximation Firefighters do it with a big hose Frank Sinatra does it his way Garbage-men come twice a week Gardeners do it on the bushes Gas attendants Pump all day Golfers do it in 18 holes Landlords do it every 1st of the month Marketing reps do it on commission Pizza delivery man comes in 30 minutes or it's free Waiters and waitresses do it for tips
  9. uk666

    May God Save Us All

    May God Save Us All Belief is a powerful thing, as depicted by this powerful photograph of a soldier in battle kissing his hand, while holding a cross.
  10. 14 Signs....You're Addicted To The Internet For people who can't live without the world wide web, the internet is a constant companion from first thing in the morning, to the last few minutes of Instagram-scrolling before sleep. Many of us are so in touch with our online presence that we've been known to check, like, respond, comment and share notifications in our sleep. That's the world we're living in, people. Here are 14 signs you're addicted to the internet: You suffer from major withdrawal symptoms...When you have to part ways with your phone. In fact, you would prefer to sit on the floor in the corner where your phone is charging…Than wait on the couch without being able to scroll through your Facebook feed. You always have at least ten tabs open on your screen…Hands up if you've just opened up another one right now? Hashtags have become such a part of your daily life….That you now say the word 'hashtag' out loud in real life conversation. You never miss an Instagram opportunity….Your carefully curated feed is always on your mind. You've lost many a good night's sleep to the internet….Because there’s no such thing as finishing YouTube. There is no end to the videos. Ever. You often re-open Instagram after what seems like an hour….To realise you’ve already seen the newest image on your feed. Because it was posted eight minutes ago. You've stopped reading this article at least once already....To check your notifications. Stop that now. You’ve been known to Google ‘How to make eggs Benedict’….Only to emerge from the internet three hours later with Mastermind-level knowledge about Pope Benedict, Olivia Pope, Taylor Swift’s cats Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey, why everyone on Grey’s Anatomy hated Katherine Heigl, what the cast of Roswell are up to now, conspiracy theories about UFO sightings in Roswell, what the cast of The X-Files are up to now, and watched the episode Sex And The City episode David Duchovny appeared in. Other people get nervous when their phone battery is at 10 per cent….You start getting stressed when it's at 54 per cent. You keep a charger by your bed, in your bag, in your car, at your desk...And if you're really honest, your biggest wish for the world is a phone or a laptop that never needs to be charged. When you walk in the door of your friend's house....You automatically connect to their WIFI. That password is already all up in your phone. And to you, that is the meaning of true friendship. You never pass a McDonald or Starbucks….Without connecting to their WIFI networks. You’ll happily go for weeks without call credit….But you start to panic half an hour after your data is gone.
  11. Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant? Because he got cold feet.
  12. Why did the banana go to the Doctor......Because it was not peeling well
  13. Why was the baby strawberry crying.......Because his mom and dad were in a jam.
  14. What do you call a deer with no eyes.......No eyed deer!
  15. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work......A can’t opener!
  16. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle.....Too many cheetahs!
  17. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer........I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
  18. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg......Because every play has a cast.
  19. I can totally keep secrets.......It’s the people I tell them to who can’t.