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Everything posted by uk666

  1. Do you want to hear a joke about pizza……Never mind, it's too cheesy.
  2. Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant? Because he got cold feet.
  3. Why should you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs……You might step in a poodle!
  4. What's brown and sticky……A stick!
  5. What's the fastest vegetable……A runner bean!
  6. Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything……Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.
  7. uk666

    What A Racket

    What A Racket We were at a red light when a car pulled up, its music blasting. “He’ll be deaf before he’s 25,” I said. “That won’t help us,” my wife replied. “He’ll only turn it up.”
  8. The Burglarized Blonde A police dispatcher received a call from a distraught blonde whose house had been ransacked and burglarized. The dispatcher broadcast the call over the channels. It just so happened a K-9 unit was patrolling the area, and was the first to arrive on the scene. The K-9 officer got out of the vehicle and approached the house with his dog on a leash. Waiting on the porch, the blonde clapped a hand to her head. “I don’t believe this,” she complained. “I came home from work to find all my stuff stolen, and now the police department is sending me a blind cop!”
  9. For every complex problem there is a solution……which is simple, neat and wrong
  10. Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said……We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.
  11. Doctor, doctor! Help, I feel like a pair of curtains……Pull yourself together then!
  12. What is black when clean, and white when dirty……A blackboard.
  13. Where does Friday come before Monday……In the dictionary.