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Everything posted by uk666

  1. Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant? Because he got cold feet.
  2. Why do we paint Easter eggs……Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
  3. Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result……The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
  4. What can you hold without using your hands……Your breath!
  5. What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark……Flood lights!
  6. Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game……Because he wanted to tie the score!
  7. uk666

    Say Grace

    Say Grace Karen invited some friends to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say grace?” The little girl fumbled a bit and said, “I wouldn’t know what to say, Mommy.” “Just say a prayer that you’ve heard me say before,” said the mother. The girl thought for a minute, then bowed her head and said: “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
  8. Good News & Bad News The pastor stood before his congregation on Sunday. With his arms outreached he announced, "Friends, I have good news and bad news regarding the money we need to fix the roof of our church." There was a slight murmur in the crowd as everyone was well aware of the pitiful condition of the roof. "The good news is," the pastor continued, "that after a careful review, I've been able to determine that we have enough money to properly repair the roof." As a jubilant titter filled the pews, the pastor raised his hands and motioned the group to settle down. "Of course, there is a bit of bad news to go with it," he said as everyone hushed: "The money to fix the roof is still in your pockets!"
  9. uk666

    IObit Malware Fighter Pro

    OK, start again but this time try disconnecting from internet before installation, wait until the patching process has been completed and connect back to the internet. Not working correctly, maybe the patch is not working in this version, try a different version. in any event, I would recommend you try Malwarebytes, it’s a light-weight anti-malware program that is excellent at removing the latest detections. I hope this helps.
  10. uk666

    IObit Malware Fighter Pro

    Prevent Malware Fighter Pro from Auto-Launch, by untick launch after install checkbox (Auto-start by default) look out for this checkbox in the setup process. So, untick the box to launch automatically after the set-up is finished.
  11. What's the main difference between an electrician and a painter……An electrician washes his hands AFTER he has gone potty, but a painter washes his hands BEFORE he goes potty.
  12. Which candles burn longer, bee’s wax or tallow……Neither, they all burn shorter.
  13. Neighbour 1: “Why are you putting those jackets on your house……Neighbour 2: “Well, it says on the paint can to put two coats on.”
  14. What’s in the middle of nowhere……The letter H.