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uk666

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Everything posted by uk666

  1. Puzzle: River Crossing A farmer wants to cross a river and take with him a wolf, a goat, and a cabbage. There is a boat that can fit himself plus either the wolf, the goat, or the cabbage. If the wolf and the goat are alone on one shore, the wolf will eat the goat. If the goat and the cabbage are alone on the shore, the goat will eat the cabbage. How can the farmer bring the wolf, the goat, and the cabbage across the river? Answer: Did you solve the puzzle? Was it easy? Tell us in the section below!
  2. No Health Insurance An old man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked, "Do you have health insurance?" He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun." The nun became very agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Good, send the bill to my brother-in-law."
  3. uk666

    The Love Dress

    The Love Dress A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?!" she asked. "I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me" The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner? He never heard the gunshot.
  4. uk666

    The Old Virgin

    The Old Virgin In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN" Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker, the postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows: "RETURNED UNOPENED."
  5. Can Cold Water Clean Dishes…. John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, ‘Are these plates clean?’ His grandfather replied, ‘They’re as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!’ For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg. He asked, ‘Are you sure these plates are clean?’ Without looking up the old man said, ‘I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!’ Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass. John yelled and said, ‘Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my car’. Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted! ‘Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!’
  6. uk666

    An Easy Riddle

    An Easy Riddle What is a word made up of 4 letters yet is also made up of 3? Although is written with 8 letters, and then with 4. Rarely consists of 6, and never is written with 5? Answer: How many Correct answers did you have Was it easy? Tell us in the section below!
  7. uk666

    Don’t Laugh

    Don’t Laugh "Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," said Fred, a big man almost 60 years old, as he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Its length and width no bigger than an AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Five minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. "I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Fred replied.
  8. Scotch With Water A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today." The bartender says, “Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me." As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, “I would like to buy you a drink, too." The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'' "Coming up" says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says “I would like to buy you one, too." The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'' "Coming right up" the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?' The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, well... that's another issue.'
  9. uk666

    A Pint of Less

    A customer walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have a pint of less, please.” “Less?” queried the bartender. “What’s that?” “I don’t know either,” said the customer, “but my doctor told me to drink less.”
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