ghostxdreams2

Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day when he spotted another man outfitted to dive wearing dark glasses, carrying a white cane and holding a seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then, curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?" "Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack."

ya i thought of that to right off the bat. so i went in threw the normal steps of resetting my password and when i got there it was giving a warning also that there had been an illegal attempt. it showed where i had logged in @ my area and where the attempt was in ca. like 2 hrs later lol 1,683 miles away

Here’s the meaning behind the names of a few popular confections. • Forest Mars, Sr. saw soldiers eating hard-shelled chocolates during the Spanish Civil War, inspiring the mass production of M&Ms about a decade later in a Newark factory. The candy was named after the surnames of the company’s founders: Forrest Mars and William F.R. Murrie. • Believe it or not, one of the most beloved candy bars is named after a horse. The Mars family named the candy bar Snickers after their favorite, deceased race horse. Of course, to snicker means “to laugh in a half-suppressed, indecorous or disrespectful manner.” It relates to a Dutch word and is probably intended to mimic the sound of a snicker. • Tootsie Rolls were the creation of Leo Hirshfield, an Austrian immigrant who had a small store in New York City. He named the candy after his daughter Clara, who was nicknamed “Tootsie.” Now, 64 million Tootsie Rolls are produced each day. A tootsie has come to possess both the wholesome sense of “sweetheart,” as well as the less savory connotation of “prostitute.” • The Milky Way Bar was not named after the Earth’s galaxy. The brand was inspired by the malted milk drink, which was popular in the 1920s. The company’s intention was to put “chocolate malted milk in a candy bar.”

A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter,purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care...they turned you down. GOD BLESS AMERICA

Some call it soda. Others say soft drink, fizzy drink, soda pop, or just plain-old pop. There is no right word for the sweet carbonated beverage, although it would be wrong not to know the linguistic background behind the bubbles. A much-discussed soda ban in Los Angeles schools has increased our thirst. For knowledge, that is. The “soft” in soft drinks is an adjective used in relation to a hard drink. The beverage is not soft like a pillow. Rather, it is nonalcoholic, unlike a hard drink, which is a distilled alcoholic beverage. Bathing in and imbibing natural mineral water were ancient practices. Later, Arabic chemists experimented with soft-drink concoctions that included crushed fruit, herbs, or flowers. Dandelion and burdock — a traditional British soft drink — has been around since at least the 13th century. The modern-day soft drink, however, didn’t develop until the 18th century, when scientists started synthesizing carbonated water — also known as soda water. The “soda” part of the word is derived from the sodium salts within the water. (The salts reduce the liquid’s acidity.) Another term for soda water is seltzer, named for Selters, a German village known for its hot springs. As the soft-drink industry grew in the United States, so too did the vocabulary associated with it. Soda was often sold in a part of pharmacies called “soda fountains.” And the employees who worked these fountains were called “soda jerks.” This was not meant as an insult. Soda jerks pulled — or jerked — on the machines to draw out the beverage. Of course, fizzy drinks come in all shapes and sizes — root beer, lemon-lime, orange, grape … No variety, though, is more archetypal than cola. Cola gets its name from kola, a caffeinated nut native to Africa that traditionally has been chewed to boost energy and suppress hunger pangs.

(Menopause) == the ole lady === dam 4 me

A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?" Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"

Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do." Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers." The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 1998. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?" Jon says, "Well, shit, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."

makes me want to run out and buy a gun

awesome as in that was one (awesome) post you made neo about GUARANA never knew that existed

egg

can you believe i got drunk one time and almost got that same tattoo

Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything." "Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?" "No," the girl replied. "Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?" "N-n-no," the girl replied. "You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the level about this."

After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. "Don't worry," he said, "Just take this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow." So he went home feeling better, and went back the next day with his little bottle. It was empty. The doctor looked at the bottle carefully, " Problems?" he said. "Have I ever had problems, doc.!" the man replied. " I went home and straight upstairs, and worked at it for over half an hour. Both hands. I tell you doc, my hands got too sore to hold it! I had to get the wife upstairs and she had a go. But even she, with all her experience, couldn't do it. " "So what did you do?" said the doctor. " We had a discussion, and got the mother-in-law involved. I was sure she'd manage it, but it was no go, even when she used her mouth. And doc, she tried with her teeth in, and her teeth out!!" "But nothing we tried would get the top off that bloody bottle!!!!!"

yahooism a penchant for rowdyism. [Allusion to Swift’s characters in Gulliver’s travels

The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss. The brain said, "I should be boss, since I control what the person thinks." The hands said, "I should be boss because I do almost everything for the person." The legs declared, "I should be boss since I carry the body and all the weight is on me." So they went on, each stating their qualities and uses. Then the Asshole spoke up, "I think I should be boss, because.." He had not finished when everyone else started laughing at him. "You, an asshole, be the boss? You gotta be kidding!" The asshole was very unhappy, and he closed himself up. The body soon suffered a terrible constipation, and the organs could not take it anymore. "Ok, ok, you're the boss!" they gave in. So the asshole became the boss of the body. The moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss, you just need to be an asshole.

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off. The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' And promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb.. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke The sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that? The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!' The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?' Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?' The C-130 pilot chuckled. 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, Used the toilet, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.' When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing! When you get older & smarter - Comfort & dull is not such a bad thing! Us older folks understand this one, It's called S.O.S. Slower, Older and Smarter.

A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to make: the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat-chested. If he wishes to cancel the wedding, it's okay with her. The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage. Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, its okay with him. The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage. They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes, she was flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes. One glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor. After she became conscious the guy asked: "I told you before we got married, why did you still faint?" The girl said: "You told me it was just like a baby". The guy replied: "Yes, 8 pounds and 21 inches".

What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet? The Captain's log. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ================================================================================= There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

no worries

Which lady shops at K-Mart? Take your time....I know... It's hard to tell, isn't it?

A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why had she left her previous employment, she replied, "Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. Last night they played a game called Bridge and a lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say, "Lay down and let's see what you've got." Another man said, "I've got strength but no length." Another man says to the lady, "Take your hand off my trick!" "I pretty dropped dead just then, when the lady answered, "You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise." Another lady was talking about protecting her honor. Another lady said, "Now it's time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine." "Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I hope to die if one of them didn't say, "Well, I guess we'll go home now. This is the last rubber"

On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks: Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee? Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date. The guy thinks for a minute and says: Well, what about the last date?