ghostxdreams2

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university. They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, anthropologist and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such. While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high. "Sure," said the druggist. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up."

A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I'll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus CAN'T play' The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look,picks it up, tunes the string, and starts playing the guitar.The octopus' owner pockets the $50 Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy pockets yet another $50. The bar owner has been watching all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, ' Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I'll give you $100. The octopus takes a long hard look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes over and says 'What are you waitin for? Hurry up and play that damn thing! The octopus says, 'Play it? Hell if I can work out how to get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna screw it!!

Two homosexuals were talking when one of them happened to mention that he had gotten circumcised last week. "Can I see it?" asked the second gay guy. So the first guy promptly dropped his pants to show off his operation. "Oooh," squealed his friend, "You look ten years younger!"

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/is-your-computer-secretly-a-bot-2014-06-02?siteid=yhoof2 International law enforcement authorities over the weekend took control of two hacker networks that have infected more than a million computers worldwide to steal banking information and lock devices until users pay a ransom, U.S. officials announced Monday. People should run security tests on their computers within the next two weeks, before the masters of the botnets have a chance to regain control, the United Kingdom’s National Crime Agency says. One malware-driven network, called “Gameover Zeus”, lifted banking credentials from as many as 1 million infected Microsoft Windows computers, to steal more than $100 million. The U.S. is home to the highest percentage of Gameover Zeus infections, at 13%, according to Mountain View, Calif.-based security company Symantec...................................................................................................

well i see that the rumors are not true. it was said that tech had won the state lottery and was living it high on the hog on some island. but i really didn't believe that. it was also said that tech had ran off and became a NASCAR driver. but i didn't believe that either. he only knows how to turn right. it was also suggested that maybe he had got abducted by aliens from outer space. i didn't by that one either he would have made them clean up their spam. it was also said that he had started his own motorcycle gang called the techkers . but i didn't go for that either most people wont ride with training wheels on their motorcycles well what ever the real reason was we are all glad to see him welcome back bud you have been missed

nope i,m ur dad dont i look pretty?

This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. guy: "Why are girls so pretty?" God: "So you'll like them." guy: "Why are girls soft?" God: "So you'll like them." guy: "Why are girls so dumb?" God: "So they'll like you."

Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave ... "Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think."

https://www.yahoo.com/tech/zip-around-windows-file-explorer-with-these-keyboard-89356229649.html Zip Around Windows’ File Explorer with These Keyboard Shortcuts

What is It? Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Madonna does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it? A Last name ================================================================================ Q: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma? A: Not today, we already dug her three times this week.

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly, "in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. "No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. "I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb. "No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. "I've had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan. "No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty. Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time. Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming "I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so." In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty: "I am the smallest person in the world, Merlin agrees." In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell is Bill Clinton?"

Mrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, "You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night?" He sighs and says, "Look, lady, I got a tough day's work ahead of me. Why don't you just make us a cup of tea?

Little Johnny was in class again.Teacher asked everyone "Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?" Meg puts up her hand."The sky is definitely blue." "Thats not bad,Meg," says the teacher, "but the sky can be grey or red." Young Sally tried :"The grass is definitely green." "Good try Sally,but grass can be yellow or brown too!" Suddenly Little Johnny's hand shoots up."Miss Brown does a fart have lumps?" The teacher was horrified."No of course not Johnny! What are you talking about?" So Johnny says,"Well then Miss brown, I've definitely shit my pants!"

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff ?' The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad..' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!' While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late... But please don't shove me either!' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.' The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.' The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.. A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill..' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~

A boy asks his granny: "Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?" Granny replies: "Screw the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!" =========================================================== Q. Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper? A. Yes, if you wrap an iron in it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time. A new haircut and new color, a new outfit, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love, "Will you still make love like that to me after we're married ?" He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women."

http://news.yahoo.com/two-men-girl-human-shield-until-her-father-040007545.html picked the wrong house didn't you a-hole

nice 1 neo

i think now don't hold me to this but it might be a band you might want to google it