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Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant?


 

Because he got cold feet.


 

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I don't trust stairs....

 

....They're always up to something

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Marriage is like a deck of cards.

 

In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

 

By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

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I got sick at the airport.......My doctor said it was terminal

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I don't understand why Mexicans are so upset that Trump is going to build a wall.

 

They should just get over it.

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I can't help but be disappointed at the brand new Rolex I received for my birthday from the lesbian couple next door...... I think they misunderstood when I said 'I wanna watch'.

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I opened the door last night to carol singers & said "Do you know Silent Night?"....."Yes" they replied "Well piss off then because I want one!"

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I bought a thesaurus at a store today. Brought it home to find all the pages were blank....I have no words to describe how angry I am

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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's....Did you copy his?

 

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

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At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.'...The poor bartender was crushed to death.

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what do you call the dynamic duo after they've been crushed by a steam roller?....Flatman and Ribbon.

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I dreamt about a horse last night....It turned out to be a night mare.

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The guy who invented throat lozenges just died....I heard there will be no coffin at his funeral.

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I was furious when I found my wife's profile on an on-line dating website....That lying bitch isn't, "Fun to be around."

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I like my women how I like my light bulbs....Hot and bright

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Why is Peter Pan always flying?....He neverlands.

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All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors.....Because heroes never dye.

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I married a beautiful woman - a smart one too.....Hopefully they’ll never meet.

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Why was the blind guy always so happy?....He couldn't see any reason not to be!

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The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.....But the invention of the switch really turned us on.

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?.....Is that you mommy?

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Why do hamburgers go to the gym...... To get better buns

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What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?......He wipes his butt.


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What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.

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