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Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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Lego Are Like Boobs...

 

They're meant for the kids, but the dad ends up playing with them.

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A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?"

 

The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

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My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race.. She died in a fire.

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I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex.. Now she’ll know what rejection feels like.

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Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question??

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A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier… Shocked, the cashier asks..’What’s this for?’ 

 

The Rastafarian replies..’Me here to open a joint account’

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Anyone who says marriage is an equal partnership is talking utter bollocks.

 

I gave up my mates, my motorbike, drinking, drugs, gambling…

 

All she gave up was sex.

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A man’s life is like a lush, green meadow.

 

It’s a beautiful thing until some cow comes along and shits all over it.

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The wife got a punch in the face for crashing my new car.

 

....I swapped the airbag for a boxing glove.

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Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M's factory?

Because she kept throwing the W's away.. 

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How do you make holy water?...... You boil the hell out of it.

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Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops. 

 

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What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?

 

A desserter.

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The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today.

 

Restaurant in peace.
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What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

 

Philippe Philoppe

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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? .......One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

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Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container?...... It said concentrate!

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Did you hear about the old vampire who kept his teeth in the freezer......He gave his victims frostbite!

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How did the Irish Jig get started……Too much Guinness and not enough bathrooms

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Why did the banana go to the doctor……Because he wasn't peeling well!

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what to say to a woman..

 

don't say anything.. ur perfect just the way u r.. :lol:

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Man is incomplete until he is married.....then he is really finished.

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