Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

[uk666 5,298]

Why did the banana go to the Doctor......Because it was not peeling well 

[uk666 5,298]

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "My God, I wish I had your willpower."

[uk666 5,298]

The last fight was my fault! My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

[uk666 5,298]

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

[uk666 5,298]

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

[uk666 5,298]

Marriage is like a public toilet.Those waiting outside are desperate to get in.Those inside are desperate to get out

[uk666 5,298]

Marriage is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

[uk666 5,298]

Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged......I hear they met on the web.

[uk666 5,298]

Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married.......The reception was terrific.

[uk666 5,298]

Slept like a log last night.....Woke up in the fireplace

[uk666 5,298]

I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went  -  and I got it.

[uk666 5,298]

What do you get when you cross a kitten with a magazine.....A catalog

[uk666 5,298]

What do you call an avocado with an antenna.....A guac-y talkie.

[uk666 5,298]

Who were the first people ever to eat pie.....Pioneers
 

[uk666 5,298]

What does Long John Silver do before going to bed at night.....He puts his ship on auto-pirate.
 

[uk666 5,298]

What's black and white and hides in a cave.....A zebra that owes money.

[uk666 5,298]

Where do butchers dance.....At the meatball.

[uk666 5,298]

Where do tough chickens come from.....Hard-boiled eggs.

[uk666 5,298]

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." 

The man replies, "Boobs!"

[uk666 5,298]

Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.

[uk666 5,298]

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg…..Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.

[uk666 5,298]

What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets…..Women.

[uk666 5,298]

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild…Money.

[Rædwulf 1,441]

1 hour ago, uk666 said:

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." 

The man replies, "Boobs!"

that is a awesome play on words.. 

[uk666 5,298]

They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.