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Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," replies Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"

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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli......He was pulled in by a strong currant.

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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands......Police say that he topped himself.

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How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb.......Who cares? They never get the house anyway.
 

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Granddad, what's the best thing about being 104.......No peer pressure

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Did you hear about the new morning-after pill for men......It changes your blood group
 

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How many yuppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb........None, yuppies only do it in Jacuzzis

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How do you know when you're really ugly.......Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg
 

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How many photographers does it take to change a lightbulb......Just one more, just one more...
 

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What do you call a Norwegian prostitute.......A Fjord Escort
 

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What do you call a very rude bird.......A mockingbird! 

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How do you embarrass an archaeologist……Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. 

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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore……A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you. 

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Women are like telephones ... They love to be held. They love to be talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you're DISCONNECTED.

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Whisky is a brilliant invention……..One double and you start feeling single again.

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Men are like.... Horoscopes……They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

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Men are like.... Lawn Mowers……If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

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Men are like.... Mascara……They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

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Men are like.... Popcorn……They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

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Men are like.... Snowstorms……You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he will last.

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Why do women do all the talking and men do all the thinking……Men have two heads, and women have four lips.

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A man goes into library and asks for a book on suicide. Librarian looks him and says……Who will return the book back!

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Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, “What did you learn in school today''.......Little Johnny replies, “Not much. They want me back tomorrow''.

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Why are people like a box of chocolates.......Some have nuts and some don't!

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What did you get for your birthday………Another year!

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