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Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician……He finally worked it out with a pencil. 

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Why did the Mexican take Xanax……For Hispanic attacks.

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Went to a seafood disco last week……and pulled a muscle. 

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft……It sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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What do you call a dinosaur with diarrhoea, that ate a pile of Chillies……Megasaurus

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Why didn’t the Terminator upgrade to Windows 10……I asked him and he said, “I still love vista, baby.”

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Why did the car get a flat tire……Because there was a fork in the road

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I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was……Then it dawned on me.

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Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize……They say he was outstanding in his field.

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Why did the ghost go to rehab……He was addicted to boos.

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What did the right eye say to the left eye……Honestly, between you and me something smells.

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Have you heard about the band 1023MB……It’s probably because they haven’t got a gig yet!

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I called Debbie to celebrate our first anniversary. And she just hung up……Doesn’t our separation mean anything to her.

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What do you call a dog that’s been run over by a steamroller……Spot!

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I do say no to drugs……It’s just they’re not so good at listening.

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Living with a woman is a lot like farting……If you push too much, you’re really going to wish you hadn’t.

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Why doesn’t our democratic society permit a man to have 2 wives……Because our laws protect us against cruel and unusual punishment.

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That awkward moment when you enthusiastically try to tickle somebody……who isn’t ticklish.

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My wife’s cooking is so bad......we usually pray after our food.

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Women can be likened to roads……The more curves, the bigger the danger.

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Honey what do you love most about me? My honed body or my charming face......Your sense of humour.”

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Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home……That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome……Is it common?......It's not unusual.

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So, I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'……And a voice said 'You are.'

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So, I rang up my local swimming baths......I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'……He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today……They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

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