Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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What did one ocean say to the other ocean……Nothing, they just waved.

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Why did the picture go to jail......Because it was framed. 

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Why is Facebook like jail......You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you really don't know. 

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Why was the parrot in prison……Because it was a jail-bird. 

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Why did the belt get arrested…..Because he held up a pair of pants. 

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A friend of mine said that his wife had left him......She took with her all his Bob Marley records and his satellite dish......No Woman - No Sky.

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My wife asked me before going to the hairdressers……What cut do you think would make me more attractive……A power cut, was apparently the wrong answer.

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I heard about a new website: needleinahaystack.com......Took me ages to find it!

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I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlour, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read……Thank you. Please come again.

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My ex-wife was on vacation in New Orleans and sent me a picture of one of the famous cemeteries with the graves above ground……The caption read: "WISH YOU WERE HERE!"

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What's the difference between a vision and a sight……When my wife gets dressed up for a party she looks like a vision and when she wakes up in the morning, she's a sight!

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If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills…...I should be fine.

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It was a very emotional wedding……Even the cake was in tiers!

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I asked this Australian bloke how far away I was from Queensland……He replied, "It's 20 clicks away mate." Things must be bad if they've started speaking dolphin.

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Archaeologists in Ireland thought they had discovered a mass snowmen grave......Turned out to be a field full of carrots

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My husband told me that I am one of the eight wonders of the world......I warned him not to let me catch him with any of the other seven

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I realised the impact of computers on my young son one evening when there was a dramatic sunset……Pointing to the western sky, David said……I wish we could click and save that.

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If you love someone, set him free……If he comes back, I think we can charge him for re-installation fees, but tell him that he's getting an upgrade.

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Apple Inc. has developed a new high-tech toilet……The details are not yet clear, but the company is torn between two names for the new device: Either the iPood, or the iPeed.

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What did the Navy say to the coast guards……I'll SEAL you later

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What is long, hard, and full of semen……A submarine! 

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Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the army……No. Well I have. The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself! 

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What do prisoners use to call each other……Cell phones.

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What do you call a Marine with an open head wound……Ajar Head.

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Where can you find a bunch of clowns who deserve to be in jail……Silly Con Valley