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Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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A pirate walks into a bar……And it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.

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Little Monster……I hate my teacher……Mother Monster……Well, then just eat your salad, dear!

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Don't take life seriously……Nobody gets out alive anyways.

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I’m looking for a new personal trainer……The last one didn’t work out.

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn’t they get wet……It wasn’t raining!

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What do envelopes say when you lick them……Nothing, it shuts them up!

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Why is b always cool……Because it’s between ac.

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When losing your train of thought……Its wise not to be standing on the tracks.

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When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking……And then I saw her face.

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What does the winner of the race lose……His breath.

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The person who coined……One hit wonder……Probably didn't come up with any other popular phrases.

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The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said……I've found a man just like father……Her mother replied……So what do you want from me, sympathy.

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Two atoms are playing together when one tells the other……I lost an electron. The second atom asks……Are you sure……The first atom replies......I’m positive.

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I was born at a very young age.

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What is pirate’s favoite treat……Chips AHOY!!

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Siri, why am I still single……Siri, activates front camera.

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Yo, momma is so fat……when she bends over, we go into daylight savings time.

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How do Vikings send secret messages……Norse code.

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job……He was board.

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I wanted to make a joke about Alzheimer's……But I forgot it.

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A man was rushed in to hospital yesterday because he swallowed a five-pound note……They are keeping him in for observation on his condition but so far there has been no change.

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What did the pencil say to the paper……I dot my i’s on you.

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What kind of table has no legs……A multiplication table.

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What kind of band can’t play music……A rubber band.

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My friend bout a candle for £50……He has more money than scents.

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