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Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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My uncle was crushed by a piano……His funeral was very low key.

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You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day……I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

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How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh……Ten tickles.

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The assistant asked the blonde whether she'd like her pizza cut into 6 pieces or 12. "Six please" she said......I could never eat 12.

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How does a squid go into battle……Well-armed.

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo……A Broncosaurus.

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How did Ebenezer Scrooge win the football game……The ghost of Christmas passed!

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What kinds of pictures do hermit crabs take……Shellfies.

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What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu……One you need a “tweetment” and the other you need an “oinkment ”

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how do you know when you are drowning in milk……When its past your eyes.

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What do you get a man with the heart of a lion……A lifetime ban from the zoo.

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Why do birds fly south for the winter……Because it’s too far to walk.

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got him for Christmas……He felt his presents.

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What was the mummy’s favourite type of music……The Wrap.

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Did you hear about the beautiful wedding……Even the cake was in tiers.

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Why are there fences are cemeteries……Because everyone’s always dying to get in.

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What does a sheep dog and bra have in common……They round them up and point them in the right direction.

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A company is making glass coffins……Whether they’re successful remains to be seen.

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What do you call a person with a briefcase in a tree……A branch manager.

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What do elves learn in school……The elf-abet.

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Man goes into a shop, do you sell helicopter crisps……Shopkeeper, sorry, we only sell plane ones.

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If a child refuses to nap……Are they guilty of resisting a rest.

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