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Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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What is a mummy's favourite type of music……Wrap!

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What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison.......A small medium at large.

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I impressed a history lecturer today with my knowledge of Galileo……I knew he was just a poor boy, from a poor family...

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The inventor of the Crossword recently died, they buried him: Six Down and Three Across

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Historians in Ireland have discovered what they believe to be the headstone of the oldest ever living man.......He was 193 and his name was Miles from Dublin.

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If you aren’t impressed with the picture of the first black hole......You clearly don’t understand the gravity of the situation.

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I was in a liquor store and an employee asked me, “Do you need help?”.......I said, “Yes, but I’m going to get whiskey instead.”

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I broke two of my Dad’s Queen records......Now I want to break three.

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I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids.......In one ear, out the other.

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The guy at the tuxedo store kept hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.......He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”

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Someone was offered mummification as an option for after death.......He declined as he thought it was part of a pyramid scheme.

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As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said......Y'know, one would have been enough.

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My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me......What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?.

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With great power......Comes great utility bills.

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