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Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini……Olive or twist

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If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic. If you drink too much Fanta……Does that make you Fantastic

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My doctor told me to watch my drinking……So now I drink in front of a mirror

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Did you hear about the Irish wolf hound who was chewing a bone……When he stood up, he had only 3 legs

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I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

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What did the big chimney say to the small chimney…...Stop smoking

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A friend of mine was sacked after 13 years of working on the dodgems……He is taking them to court for funfair dismissal.

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Doctor: Don't confuse your Google search with my 6yrs at medical school……Patient: Don't confuse your 1-hour lecture you had on my condition with my 20yrs of living with it.

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Why do blondes have square boobs……Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night……Only this time, "I" stayed in the bathroom and cried.

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She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

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My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburettor……I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.

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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel! “......Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

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A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone! "What happened?" asked the friend. "My wife found out..."

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It's not true that married men live longer than single men……It only seems longer.

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Losing a wife can be very tough……Some may even say impossible.

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Doctor says to the patient: Your coughing sounds much better……The patient replies: And no wonder. I spent a lot of time practising.

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I tried to re-marry my ex-wife……But she figured out I was only after my money.

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What do you get, when you wake up on a workday and realise you ran out of coffee……A depresso.

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Marriage is an institution of three rings……Engagement ring, Wedding ring and Suffering.

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What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth……A slow swimmer.

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Wife: It’s our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate……Husband: With a minute of silence.

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What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man……Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.

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Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day……Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.

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