Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly……So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.

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Arguing with the wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet……In the end you just give up and go “I Agree”.

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What did one tornado say to other tornado……Let's twist again like we did last summer 

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I called an old MIT graduate friend to ask him how he was doing. He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment." I was impressed……However, upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.

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A work colleague got hurt today when a box of Omega 3 tablets was thrown at him……Luckily, he suffered only super fish oil injuries

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Just got back from my mate’s funeral, he died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball……It was a lovely service.

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What's the only drink size they allow in North Korea……A supreme liter.

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When my wife found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline......she hit the roof. 

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After being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, the Dr. suggested it might be a good idea to remove all the sugary and high carbohydrate foods from my fridge and cupboards……so I did that yesterday and it was delicious.

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Why didn’t the bike want to go anywhere……Because it was two-tired!

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I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places……He told me to stop going to those places.

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My wife asked me how many women I slept with so far……I said, only you, my darling, only you. I was awake with all the rest of them.

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Why did the man run around his bed……Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

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Why are chemists great at solving problems……Because they have all of the solutions!

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A wife complains to her husband: Just look at that couple down the road, Roger, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her......Why can’t you do the same……Are you mad, I said, I barely know the woman!

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I cuddle with my husband about two or three times a week. Yeah? Me just once. Oh, but wait, I thought you were single……Ah I see. I thought we were talking about your husband.

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Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty……Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.

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I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5 % raise. Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me……By the way, which companies are after you……I responded, “The gas, electric and cable company.”

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Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper……He wanted to live in the present.

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Why did the scarecrow get promoted……Because he was out standing in his field!

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Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water……Honey, if I say yes, will you jump?

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Why can’t Chuck Norris use the internet……Because he won’t submit.

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I’ve just had a really big row with my wife about going on holiday……I wanted to go to Paris; she wanted to come with me.

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Doctor, there's a patient on Line 1 that says he's invisible……Well, tell him I can't see him right now." 

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I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory……They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.