Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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I once know a cross-eyed teacher……That just couldn't control his pupils.

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Why did the spy stay in bed……Because he was under cover.

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What's the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital……At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.

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The difference between an alcoholic and a drunk is……Staggering.

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Puns make me numb……But math puns make me number.

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I'm using a different font……Said William boldly.

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I googled……Cigarette Lighter……And got 2000 matches.

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After you left……I was the one left.

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Are Locksmiths……Key Workers.

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Why are the Chinese no good at cricket……Because they eat the bats.

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At school my teacher said I would never succeed at anything……And here I am lying on my sofa, drinking a beer and saving the world.

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Nail salons, barbershops, hair salons, waxing centres and tanning places are closed……It’s about to get ugly out there.

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I used to cough to cover up a fart……Now I fart to cover up a cough.

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Seen written in the dust on the back of a van……No toilet rolls stored in this van overnight.

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Did you hear about the masochist who liked a freezing cold shower every morning……He had a hot one.

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Looks like covid has reached Germany……After towels were spotted on hospital beds.

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I know a great joke about Corona Virus......you probably won't get it though.

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If I get quarantined for two weeks with my wife and I die......I can assure you it was not the virus that killed me.

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With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.

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Thinking a mask is going to stop Covid-19......Is the same as thinking that your underpants will protect everyone from a fart.

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Since everybody has now started washing their hands......The peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.

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They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket......They lied, everyone else has clothes on.

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Definition of Irony……When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.

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My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, now when I pee, I clean the toilet.

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Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently, she is my wife. She seems nice.