Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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What did the grape do when it got stomped on……It let out a little wine.

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Shin……a device for finding furniture in the dark.

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What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor……Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.

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Smith & Wesson……The original point and click interface.

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Artificial Intelligence……Usually beats real stupidity.

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Change is inevitable……Except from a vending machine.

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The story of Anne Boleyn was well written……But the execution was poor.

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I thought I’d keep growing after high school……But I came up short.

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Someone asked me what my occupation was……I said I never got that far because, I was always pre-occupied.

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I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas……He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.

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How do you confuse an Irishman……Show him three shovels and ask him to take his pick.

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TEACHER: Make up a sentence using the word lettuce……PUPILS: Let us out of school early.

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Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day……Yes, it is February 14th.

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Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks……What’s your favourite kind of music……The other replies……I’m a big metal fan.

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The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is……Wait, where are we again.

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I took the shell from my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster……But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

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Wives are like grenades……Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

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I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared……Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately.

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If two’s company and three’s a crowd, what are four and five……Nine.

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What do you get from a pampered cow……Spoiled milk.

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I keep asking people what LGBTQ means……But I never get a straight answer.

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Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common……Arguing with them is acceptable……But it is only when you lose that argument, that you get in real trouble.

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First the doctor told me the good news……I was going to have a disease named after me....

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Why did the TV cross the road……Because it wanted to be a flat screen.

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Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie……While looking for a bigger stick.