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Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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What do toys and your wife's breasts have in common?

 

…..They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with
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Why are married women heavier than single women? 

 

…..Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. 
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Why do wives like to have sex with the lights off? 

 

…..They can't stand to see their husbands have a good time! 
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What's the difference between your wife and a refrigerator? 

 

…..A refrigerator doesn't moan when you put meat in it. 
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Why are hurricanes normally named after women? 

 

…..When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. 
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What's the difference between a woman and a coffin? 

 

……You come in one and go in the other. 
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How are wives like parking spaces?

 

.....The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. 
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How does a Russian hacker get its malware onto the NSA's computers?

 

.....By in-Stalin it.

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What do Bill Cosby and United Airlines have in common?

 

.........Beats me.

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If you get pulled off before the planes even departed.

 

.....Do you still get to join the mile high club?

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Did you hear about the latest United app update?

 

......It now features drag and drop.

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What do you call accidental word play?

 

.....Punintended.

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4 out of 5 doctors......recommend United Airlines.

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Did you hear that rumor that Trump committed suicide?

 

.....Turned out that it was just fake noose.

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I was going to make a United Airlines joke.

 

.....But someone beat me to it

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What did the dog say about the United Airlines Employee?

 

.....Ruff

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What did the masochist say he liked about flying with United?

 

.....Beats me.

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Update: No more United Airline joke allowed.

 

.....Unfortunately we've ran out of room.

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Help help!!

 

A man is having a heart attack, is there a doctor on the plane?
 
.....There was.
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I used to be a fan.

 

.....but now I am an air conditioner

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First rule of flying with United.

 

.....You don't talk about flying with United.

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United Airlines.

 

.....We put the "hospital" in hospitality!

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United Airlines CEO updates shareholders on current outlook.

 

.....He says, "we're doing so well we have to drag customers off the planes!"

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

 

.....Because 7 was a United Airlines employee

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