Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced……You can't be promoted.

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Duct tape is like the force……It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

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I like to show my girlfriend who's the boss in our house……I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.

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Today was a terrible day……My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

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Eagles may soar……But weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

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What happened when the two vampires went on a blind date……It was love at first bite.

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota……To get a mini soda.

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When my wife starts to sing, I always go out and do some garden work……So our neighbours can see there's no domestic violence going on.

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Why did the sun go to school……To get brighter.

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How can undertakers put up the price of a funeral……And then blame it on the cost of living.

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Consciousness……That annoying time between naps.

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Death is hereditary.

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Where do turkeys go to dance……The butterball.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary……Take the words out of his mouth.

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Why do the French eat so many snails……They hate fast food.

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What do you call a bear with no teeth……A gummy bear.

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Remember half the people you know are below average.

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple……A pineapple.

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Despite the cost of living……Have you noticed how popular it remains.

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TEACHER: You aren’t paying attention. Are you having trouble hearing……PUPIL: No, sir I’m having trouble listening.

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What do you get when you cross a cow with a trampoline……A milkshake.

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I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail. I sent it right back……Way too expensive and really bad quality.

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Where do mice park their boats……At the hickory dickory dock.

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Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.

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Ever stop to think……And forget to start again.