Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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Russian dolls are so full of themselves.

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What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common……Same middle name.

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I always take life with a grain of salt……And a slice of lemon……And a shot of tequila.

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I Just burned 2,000 calories……That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

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What do you call a pig that’s been arrested for dangerous driving……A road hog.

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The easiest time to add insult to injury is……When you’re signing someone’s cast.

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Light travels faster than sound……Which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak. 

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I was sitting in traffic the other day……And I got ran over.

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Someone knocked on the door and asked if I wanted to become Jehovah's Witness……I said sorry, but I didn't see the accident.

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My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge……We’ll see about that.

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A termite walks into the bar and asks……Is the bar tender here.

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First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you……Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy!

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk……A computer mouse.

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Exit signs……They are on the way out aren't they.

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What did Michael Jackson say to the mirror……You're just another part of me.

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Why did the knights of the round table have a round table……So, no one could take sides.

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What pine has the longest needles……A porcupine.

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What do you call a loony spaceman……An astronut.

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A perfectionist walked into a bar……Apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.

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How do you make a goldfish old……Take away the g.

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While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up, don’t bother said the customer……It’s self-rising.

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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs......They always take things so literally.

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what’s the best way to get a straight answer……Use a ruler!

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Which animal cheats in school……A cheetah.

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Lost Dog. 3 legs, blind in one eye, missing right ear, tail broken, recently castrated……Answers to the name of "Lucky"'