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uk666

Short Jokes Post – Keep The Jokes Short And Funny

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What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an Italian……..A guy who makes you an offer you can't understand!!

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Why is a dog like a tree..... Because they both lose their bark once they're dead.

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See here, wait, I've found a button in my salad.....That's all right, sir, it's part of the dressing

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Marriage is an institution intended to keep women out of mischief......and get them into trouble.

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Why are circus horses the slowest breed....Because they are taught horses.

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Who is the greatest chicken-killer in Shakespeare.....Macbeth, because he did murder most foul.

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My parents always tell me their world doesn’t revolve around me......So I guess that means I’m not actually their sun.

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After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"

God said, “I think I'm going to call it a day."

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My friend is a professional sleep walker.......He is living the dream.

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Poop jokes aren’t my favourite kind of jokes..But they’re a solid number two.

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My wife isn’t talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday......I’m not sure how I did that – I didn’t even know it was her birthday…

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Doctor: So Mr Jenkins, I have these amazing new pills that will stop your diarrhoea issues immediately!......Mr Jenkins: No shit!

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I decided to take the wing mirrors off my car last week......I haven’t looked back since.

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My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness.......That came out of nowhere.

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I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators....... I'm taking steps to avoid them.

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The janitor in my apartment building asked whether I would hang out with her and smoke weed.......I said no. I can’t deal with a high maintenance woman.

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My wife wants a life size statue of Bambi in the garden.......Personally, I think it's a little deer.

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On 5/22/2018 at 4:08 PM, uk666 said:

Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn’t spoken to me in six
months.........Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!

haha.. that's perfect.. lol.. :lol:

  • Haha 1

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I can totally keep secrets.......It’s the people I tell them to who can’t.

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Why do we tell actors to “break a leg......Because every play has a cast.

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I bought some shoes from a drug dealer........I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

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What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work......A can’t opener!

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Why was the baby strawberry crying.......Because his mom and dad were in a jam. 

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