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Performance Evaluations

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Performance Evaluations

"Quotes" [allegedly] taken from actual Federal (US) employee performance evaluations...

  1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig
  2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity
  3. I would not allow this employee to breed
  4. This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be
  5. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap
  6. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet
  7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle
  8. This young lady has delusions of adequacy
  9. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them
  10. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot
  11. This employee should go far, and the sooner the better
  12. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together
  13. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus
  14. He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless
  15. He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier
  16. I would like to go hunting with him sometime
  17. He's been working with glue too much
  18. He would argue with a signpost
  19. He has knack for making strangers immediately
  20. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room
  21. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell
  22. If you see 2 people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one
  23. A photographic memory but with the cap over the lens
  24. A prime candidate for natural deselection
  25. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it
  26. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming
  27. Has 2 brains, one is lost, the other is out looking for it
  28. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week
  29. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change
  30. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean
  31. One neuron short of a synapse
  32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled
  33. Takes him 12 hours to watch 60 Minutes
  34. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead

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