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The ABC's of Ex-Girlfriends

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The ABC's of Ex-Girlfriends

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is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you, she don't give a damn. You twit.

B is for bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat together and then Die! 

C is for call ya later. She won't. She never has before. 

D is for dumped. Does D need to be explained? 

E is for eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said I'm not hungry so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your uncle Roy (you remember uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything.) So you flip the bill and was broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her for the next two weeks.

F is for friends. That is what she just wanted to be. As if you can even stand to look at her. 

G is for gun. And yes, there is a waiting period. 

H is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well you figure it out. 

I stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers favours. 

J stands for Jim. That is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy. 

K stands for strikeout. In baseball scoring, the letter K is used to represent a strikeout. Her arms stiffen, and little fists strike out at me. The least thing upsets her and she was frequently strikes out at me.

L is for love. It’s a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties. 

M is for Mephistopheles. That is who she worked for. 

N stands for Necrophilia. She didn't move very much, did she? 

O is for On top. When on top. She has another O word. 

P is for pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now suing you for a few hundred bucks a month. 

Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last. 

R is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it. 

S stands for Steve. Steve was the guy that was sleeping with her. Steve is a very bad person. Steve the snake in the grass. Steve was my best friend and trusted colleague.

T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth, she also tortured you with lies. She even tortured you with whips and hand-cuffs. 

U is for understatement. Saying you hate that f***ing bitch is an understatement. 

V is for Voluptuous. That is the primary reason you were dating her in the first place. 

W stands for wine. Wine is expensive. She loved wine. She got drunk awfully slow though. After too much wine she liked to screw. But after too much she puked; that is, from the wine. Not the activity. 

X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for Xylophone. 

Y stands for You suck. Remember when she yelled that at you? 

Z stands for ZZZZZZZZ. Remember all those times you wanted to have sex and she would tell you she had a headache and would go to sleep... 

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