Blind Dates

[uk666 5,298]

Blind Dates

Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date. Numerous well-meaning friends and relatives are always willing to "fix up" unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as "perfect for you". 

However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like.

After considerable research, as a public service, we have attempted to translate some of these descriptive phrases into plain English: 

Dandy little house keeper: 
She has been married three times and kept all the houses 

fine character: 
She's ugly 

knows how to handle money: 
She's a spendthrift and great at spending yours 

Spotless reputation: 
She's ugly 

Strong family ties: 
She's a Mafia Princess 

Loves children: 
She's pregnant and needs a husband 

Wonderful personality: 
She's fat 

Great sense of humour: 
She's fat and will laugh at anything you say 

The outdoor type: 
She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys 

Ready to settle down: 
She's thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry 

Likes to have a good time: 
She gets drunk a lot 

Lots of fun at parties: 
Often makes an ass of herself 

Mature woman: 
She's at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five 

Has the appearance of a young school girl: 
She's at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager 

Casual: 
She dresses like a slob 

Decorated her own place: 
Her apartment resembles a pig sty 

A great dancer: 
She'll wear the soles right off your shoes 

Not overly emotional: 
She only cries twenty-seven times a day 

Doesn't chase men: 
She's more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type 

Seldom dates: 
She's a lesbian who needs a male escort for something 

Understands men: 
She's been married and divorced four times 

A good sport: 
She knows two hundred jokes and can drink you under the table 

Looks and dresses like a model: 
She's five eleven and weighs seventy three pounds 

Been in show business: 
She's a former porn movie star 

Travelled a lot: 
She's searched high and low for a husband 

Knows a lot of interesting people: 
None of whom would marry her 

Wonderful disposition: 
She's ugly