How to Spoil a Really Nice Evening

[uk666 5,298]

How to Spoil a Really Nice Evening 

What makes these questions so bad is that everyone is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce, if the man does not answer properly--which is to say, dishonestly.

1 - "What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time.

Which was most likely one of five things:

1. - Baseball.
2. - Football.
3. - How fat you are.
4. - How much prettier she is than you.
5. - Beer.

According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking." The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers.

2 - "Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." 

Wrong answers include:

1. - I suppose so.
2. - Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. - That depends on what you mean by "love".
4. - Does it matter?
5. - Who, me?

3 - "Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. 

Wrong answers include:

1. - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
2. - Compared to what?
3. - A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. - I've seen fatter.
5. - Honey I will buy you a second mirror so you can check for yourself.

4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident, or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." 

Wrong answers include:

1. - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
2. - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
3. - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
4. - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
5. - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Note: From this, we can see that any standard male response is probably incorrect.