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NeophobiA

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Posts posted by NeophobiA

  5. Posted · Report reply

    Mr. Ferry, (AKA NeoPherret) doesn't bite ppl, He's ok with cats but he'll take down a dog, hasn't got to a rabbit yet but ya know when He picks up the scent, and He'll attack cows for some reason but He loves Kangaroo Meat, chicken livers and Meat Pies....

    Females are harder to tame, they are feisty and takes a bit more to get the biting to stop....

    • Like 1

  13. Posted · Report reply

    G'day Aall,

     

    Some here might think I've gone a little crazy, or a little more than normal. This week I have paid for software and a movie. yeah, yeah, you can get back in ya seat now. The software was for uploading purposes, the movie was

    Jake & Jasper: A Ferret Tale

     

    jj_poster.jpg

     

    ( fark that's big!)

     

    Awards

    Rising Star Award - Canada International Film Festival

    Remi Award - Worldfest Houston International Film Festival

    Award of Merit - The IndieFest

     

    SYNOPSIS:

     

    Struggling to cope with the recent death of his mother, young Jake Tyler retreats from his family and the world at large. After being involved in a violent fight with some older boys at school, he winds up in the principal’s office with his father who is told that Jake might benefit from professional help. Unfortunately, Jake’s father has been unable to help himself through the loss of his wife. When not neglecting his son and daughter as a result, he’s furious with them. Jesse (Jake’s sister) is so fed up with her selfish father that she moves out of the house but not without leaving a pet ferret, Jasper, to keep her brother company.

     

    Jake & Jasper become fast friends as the two develop a strong bond. Yet just as this companionship seems on the verge of prying Jake from his shell, his father threatens to take Jasper away. With the thought of losing his best pal, Jake decides to run away from home and the two get lost in a nearby forest. Then when darkness falls Jake & Jasper not only lose each other in the woods, they nearly lose their lives.

     

     

    http://youtu.be/Usz1wnpCBPI

     

     

    The Promo vid raised $20,000, it's currently touring the states and they have another title on the way.

     

    The DvD cost Me $20 +$10 P&O. Now I know You all know I'm a Ferret lover and yeah I think this is one of those things worth supporting.

     

    http://www.jake-and-jasper.com/

http://www.theferretmovie.com/

  15. Posted · Report reply

    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

    Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

     

    The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

    The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!' The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.

    The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,

    'I had no idea you were this religious.'

     

    The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'

    • Like 4

  16. Posted · Report reply

    Martha recently lost her husband.. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

     

    Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.

     

     

    Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to

    him....

     

    'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!'

     

    She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,

     

    'Herman, remember that car you promised me?

    Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!'

     

    Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said,

     

    'Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought that too, with the insurance money!'

    Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes,

     

    She said,

     

    'Herman, remember that blow job I promised you?'

     

    'Here it comes.

  17. Posted · Report reply

    This was a blog entry that I stumbled across in my wanderings through the digital space and gotta say I found it hilarious, hope you folk like it too....

     

    The following is an actual question given on a

    University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The

    answer by one student was so "profound" that the

    professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,

    which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of

    enjoying it as well.

     

    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or

    endothermic (absorbs heat)?

     

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs

    using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats

    when it is compressed) or some variant.

     

    One student, however, wrote the following:

     

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is

    changing in time.

    So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving

    into Hell and t he rate at which they are leaving. I

    think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets

    to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are

    leaving.

     

    As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at

    the different religions that exist in the world today.

    Most of these religions state that if you are not a

    member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since

    there is more than one of these religions and since

    people do not belong to more than one religion, we can

    project that all souls go to Hell.

     

    With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect

    the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

    Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in

    Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the

    temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the

    volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls

    are added.

     

    This gives two possibilities:

     

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate

    at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and

    pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks

    loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the

    increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and

    pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

     

    So which is it?

     

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa

    during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day

    in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account

    the fact that I slept with her last night, then number

    two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is

    exothermic and has already frozen over.

    The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has

    frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any

    more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only

    Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being

    which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting

    "Oh my God."

     

    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

    • Like 3

  18. Posted · Report reply

    A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

    The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

    So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

     

    The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

     

    The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

     

    This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

     

    The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

     

    The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

     

    Now, it's the senior's turn He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

     

    The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

     

    He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

     

    He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

     

    The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

     

    The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

  19. Posted · Report reply

    The world explained today using cows as a commodity..............

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    SOCIALISM

    You have 2 cows.

    You give one to your neighbor.

     

    COMMUNISM

    You have 2 cows.

    The State takes both and gives you some milk.

     

    FASCISM

    You have 2 cows.

    The State takes both and sells you some milk.

     

    NAZISM

    You have 2 cows.

    The State takes both and shoots you.

     

    BUREAUCRAT-ISM

    You have 2 cows.

    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

     

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

    You have two cows.

    You sell one and buy a bull.

    Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

    You sell them and retire on the income.

     

    SURREALISM

    You have two giraffes.

    The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

     

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

    Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

     

    ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

    You have two cows.

    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

    The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

    The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

    You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.

    No balance sheet provided with the release.

    The public then buys your bull.

     

    A FRENCH CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

     

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

    You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

     

    A GERMAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

     

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

    You decide to have lunch.

     

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You count them and learn you have five cows.

    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

    You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

    You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

     

    A SWISS CORPORATION

    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

    You charge the owners for storing them.

     

    A CHINESE CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You have 300 people milking them.

    You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

     

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You worship them.

     

    A BRITISH CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    Both are mad.

     

    AN IRAQI CORPORATION

    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

    You tell them that you have none.

    No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

    You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

     

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    Business seems pretty good.

    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

     

    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    The one on the left looks very attractive.

     

    A GREEK CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You borrow against the cows from the Germans

    You kill the cows and make souvlaki

    You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money

    You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money

    You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money

    You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money

    • Like 2

  20. Posted · Report reply

    Funny, but I never knew this even after years of working with personal computers.

     

     

    MOUSE CALIBRATION FOR 2012

     

    You should actually do this every year. Even more often if you spend a lot of time on the computer. This was recommended by Kim Komando (the computer guru) in one of her recent emails.

     

    I was surprised to see how well it works, and how far off mine was.

     

     

    To re-calibrate your mouse, click and hold on the capital S below, then drag it toward the small g.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    If it doesn't work immediately, you might want to clean your mouse, as the calibration is off.

     

     

    hit!!!Shit! You'll believeanything

     

    FEEL FREE TO RECOMMEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS ONCE YOU SEE HOW MUCH SMOOTHER AND BETTER THE MOUSE WORKS AFTER BEING CALIBRATED. AMAZING!

    • Like 5

  21. Posted · Report reply

    In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

     

    And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.

    Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

     

    And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

    And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

    And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

     

    Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.

     

    And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.

    Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

    To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.

     

    It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

     

    And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

     

    They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

     

    And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no-one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.

     

    And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

    And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

     

    And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.

    He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

    And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

    "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

     

    Abraham's cousin,Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was,soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

    It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

     

    And that is how it all began....

    • Like 2
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