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- Yesterday
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oh hahaha.. too funny..
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Marital Bliss After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. When they arrived at the counsellor’s office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counsellor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
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The Philosophy of Sex A variety of quotes from famous people on their opinion of sex and love. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. --Tom Clancy You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither. --Steve Martin Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. --Woody Allen Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. --Rodney Dangerfield There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. --Lynn Lavner Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist. --Matt Barry Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. --George Burns Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant. --George Burns Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. --Sharon Stone My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading. --Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers) My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. --Jack Nicholson Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. --Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor) Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. --Robin Williams Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. --Roseanne Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. --Billy Crystal According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. --Robert De Niro There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? --Dustin Hoffman There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked. --Jerry Seinfeld Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. --Rod Stewart See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. --Robin Williams
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this is my worst fear.. havin to wipe then having that forest beast right there land on me..
- Last week
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. - Amelia Earhart
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lol too cute..
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oh haha.. thats low..
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Being 6 Again A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, and the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, soda, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six years old again?" With one eye opened she replied. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
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Australian Football Grand Final A man with tickets to the AFL GRAND FINAL finds his seat and relaxes. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he says. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," says the stranger. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the AFL GRAND FINAL and not use it?" "Well, actually, the seat belongs to my wife. I was supposed to come with her, but she passed away. This is the first GRAND FINAL we haven't been to together since we got married in 1957." The stranger replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. Couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head, "No. They're all at her funeral."
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Wittiest Sex Quotes Ever Sexual humour helps us laugh at our baser instincts. A dirty book is rarely dusty. ~ Anon. Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children; life is the other way around. ~ David Lodge Familiarity breeds contempt--and children. ~ Mark Twain It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins. ~ Chinese Proverb Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. ~ George Burns I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. ~ Rodney Dangerfield I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin. ~ Groucho Marx My father told me all about the birds and the bees--the liar. I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one ~ Bob Hope I know nothing about sex, because I was always married. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor Anticipation makes the hard-on longer. ~ Itsby Stevintary The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on. ~ Anon A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are. ~ Victor Lownes A nymphomaniac is someone who has more sex than you do. ~ Alfred Kinsey Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. ~ Mignon McLaughlin A student undergoing a word-association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: because everything does. ~ Honor Tracy Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact. ~ Marlene Dietrich Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands. ~ Jayne Mansfield Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions. ~ Aldous Huxley Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. ~ Anon Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. ~ Anon I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults. ~ Gore Vidal There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex--they should draw the line at goats. ~ Elton John Sex on television can't hurt you, unless you fall off. ~ Anon Were kisses all the joys in bed, One woman would another wed. ~ William Shakespeare He in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would have ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented him. ~ Henry Fielding I once knew a woman who offered her honour, so I honoured her offer and all night long I was on her and off her. ~ Anon Nothing risqué, nothing gained. ~ Alexander Woollcott Be naughty--save Santa a trip. ~ Anon I think I could fall madly in bed with you. ~ Anon When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. ~ Anon
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Too focused that guy...
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Ooch...
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MetaMetal joined the community
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nikuz joined the community
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aby skaria joined the community
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ssvdh66 joined the community
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haha thats a good one tech..
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10. At a Christian Academy the Preacher went to the classroom and asked the class "Where do you think GOD is?" A young girl answered "I think GOD is in my Heart" The Preacher replied "Great" A young boy then said "I think GOD is everywhere" The Preacher replied "Excellent" Then little Bobby said "I think GOD is in my Bathroom" The Preacher replied "Why do you think that My Son" Bobby replied "My Daddy keeps yelling "My god, my god are you still in there"
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I would of said Helloooooooo
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oh thats gross..
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hahaha zorro.. come on man..
