freak
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Posts posted by freak
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How To Start a Fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
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I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.-
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What If...
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Broadcasting the World Cup in Brazil is dangerous
Turkish horse and knight armor, 1450-1550
Bald eagle loses her beak after being shot in the face by poachers. Engineers design a prosthetic beak for the bird
Afghan Girl Before and After, 1984 (left) and 2002 (right)
Formula 1 Car V12 from the 70s
Tutenkhamun’s gold dagger and sheath. 3300 years old
Menu booklet of final lunch on Titanic
This toilet at a Dutch Supermarket lets you test the brands of toilet paper they sell
X-ray of a 900 pound man
Armor of an Officer of the Imperial Palace Guard, China 18th century
This is a vierling - an antique German combination gun
Painting of a bison in the cave of Altamira, which was created from 35,600 to 13,500 BCE by Cro-Magnon
Group of swimming tadpoles
This is a glass “murrine” made by artist Loren Stump. Each color in the piece was carefully layered to create this “loaf” which was then sliced. Each slice sold for $5000
The Gate of Angkor Thom, Cambodia
This sparkling jumble is Messier 5 — a globular cluster consisting of hundreds of thousands of stars bound together by their collective gravity. But Messier 5 is no normal globular cluster. At 13 billion years old it dates back to close to the beginning of the Universe, which is some 13.8 billion years of age.
Martian Selfie
A Leopard I tank cut in half
Harness invented by a mother helps disabled children walk for the first time
World’s largest underground trampoline
In a giant cave in China, there live 21 families. This cave now contains a basketball court and even a school
The “Telephone Tower” in Stockholm, ca. 1890′s
Jay Leno’s private garage
Old church in Transylvania
Young Mongolian Girl with her Hunting Golden Eagle
This young man sits on the side of Empire Road in South Africa and instead of begging he provides book reviews. He collects all these books, reads each of them, and provides reviews for people passing by. If you like the review, he will try to sell you the book. This is how he makes a living.
John Cena visits fan with terminal cancer at her home
1,500 Year Old Oak Tree in South Carolina
Bottle of Mackinlay’s Rare Old Highland Malt Whisky found frozen under the floorboards of explorer Ernest Shackleton’s hut at Cape Royds on Ross Island, 1907
World War 2 Death Notice
This is why you don’t park in front of a fire hydrant
The official statement by President Nixon to be read in case the astronauts were stranded on the Moon – July 18, 1969
Japanese Visual Multiplication (count the intersections)
The difference between farm fresh and supermarket strawberries
A map of the potential targets for nuclear strikes on the US
A crocodile’s eye
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The Empire Strikes Back
Carrie Fisher and Peter Mayhew show that Princess Leia and Chewbacca are actually BFFs.
Kermit and Piggy visit Mark Hamill and Yoda on the Dagobah set
The Shining
Lisa Burns and Louise Burns look far less creepy between their haunting stints in hallways.
Stanley Kubrick taking a mirror selfie with his daughter, while Jack Nicholson thought it was a photo of him.
The Muppet Movie
Jim Henson and Kermit staring deeply into each other's eyes.
Edward Scissorhands
Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder hugging it out between takes.
300
Director Zack Snyder looking small as he goes over lines with Leonidas.
BEN-HUR
Inception
Ellen Page and Leonardo DiCaprio on the set of Inception. It's not surprise it looks a lot different than the movie.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Peter Ostrum and Gene Wilder switch looks for a moment.
Silence of the Lambs
Hannibal Lecter enjoying a fry between shots
The Sound of Music
Christopher Plummer and Julie Andrews shop for postcards.
Kill Bill
Uma Thurman and Lucy Liu stop fighting long enough to show they're actually great friends.
E.T.
Director Steven Spielberg giving E.T. a bath on the set of the film.
The Big Lebowski
Director Joel Coen checking in on The Dude during the trippy dream sequence.
Django Unchained
Leo taking a break from the director's point of view.
The Dark Knight
Heath Ledger practices for the final scene of the movie when he’s hanging from the skyscraper. It looks a bit different than you may remember.
The Joker without his recognizable makeup.
Christopher Nolan using toy cars to plan out chase scenes with his stunt director.
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Bill Murray literally "on the set".
Filming of the MGM Lion
Star Wars
R2D2 having a sandwich during a filming break.
Chewbacca getting a bit frisky during one of the funnier outtakes.
Frankenstein
Even Frankenstein's monster needed to find time for a cup of tea and a quick snack!
Ghostbusters
The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man wreaking havoc on an innocent city.
Godzilla
Similarly, Godzilla (albeit only his lower half) terrorizes a poor Japanese town.
The Wizard of Oz
The amazing set of Munchkinland.
Back To The Future
The DeLorean, which was much smaller than most of us remembered.
The Hobbit
Titanic
This proves once and for all that the wooden board did have enough room for Jack.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Rupert Grint, Daniel Radcliffe, Alan Rickman, Mike Newell prove that Harry and Snape actually can get along.
Enemies become friends when the camera isn't rolling, as Voldemort and Dumbledore share a laugh.
The Avengers
Director Joss Whedon showing the heroes how it’s done.
Mark Ruffalo looking significantly less intimidating as The Hulk.
Marie Antoinette
Kirsten Dunst and Jason Schwartzman use some technology that definitely doesn't mix with their outfits.
Lord of the Rings
Gandalf, along with his stunt and riding doubles.
Jaws
Steven Spielberg bravely lounges in the mouth of the shark.
Planet of the Apes
Charlton Heston has a heart-to-heart with an ape.
The Lord of the Rings Triology
Alien
Ridley Scott pours some condensed milk on Ian Holm.
Spartacus
A group of extras look pretty relaxed for having just fallen victim to battle.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
George Lucas and Amrish Puri take a break under an umbrella.
The Royal Tenenbaums
Bill Murray, Grant Rosenmeyer, Jonah Meyerson roughhouse in the hospital.
Star Wars - Special Edition
Boba Fett unmasked on the set of the additional Jabba's Palace scenes filmed for the Star Wars special editions
Singin' in the Rain
JURASSIC PARK III
John Rosengrant, an effects artist for the movie, wears a raptor half-suit for Jurassic Park III.
Return of the Jedi
Carrie Fisher and Warick Davis (Ewok Wicket) on the set of Return of the Jedi!
Life of Pi
Suraj Sharma acts out his scene in a zoomed out look of what most of the movie's filming looked like.
Pulp Fiction
John Travolta and Bruce Willis laugh about something between scenes.
Rear Window
It wasn't all serious business on the set of Alfred Hitchcock's thriller. James Stewart and Grace Kelly found time to goof off by riding an improvised dog chariot.
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Lifehacks for Situations You’ve Never Even Thought Of
Queueing.
Taking their iPhones to the beach.
Drilling.
Boiling eggs.
Because if they put baking soda in the water they could do this afterwards.
Making tea.
Putting away their wrapping paper.
Microwaving.
Working out percentages.
Hiding their booze at sports events.
(With thanks to commentator and former England Test cricketer Phil Tufnell)
Preparing avocados.
Eating lollies.
Finishing sentences on iPads and iPhones.
If you tap space twice, it adds a full stop and capitalises the next letter.
Cleaning their keyboards.
Putting beers in the fridge.
Getting people’s numbers.
Getting up early.
Hiding money on holiday.
Opening tricky pistachios.
They should use other pistachios.
Hiding unsightly things on walls.
Hinged picture frames FTW.
Pairing wine and food.
Cutting cake.
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The oldest known selfie. (1839)
Robert Cornelius took this photo outside the store his family owned. It became famous for being the first self portrait or as its commonly now known, a "selfie."
People posing next to the Statue of Liberty as it's unpacked. (1886)
This funny portrait of a woman was taken while she was mid-sneeze. (1900)
A "knocker-up" waking up clients - the early 20th century version of alarm clocks.
Nine kings gather to mourn the death of King Edward VII (1910).
This may very well be the most kings ever photographed at once. Represented are Norway, Bulgaria, Portugal, the German Empire, Greece, Belgium, Spain, Great Britain, and Denmark.
Before automatic pinsetters were invented, "pin boys" worked to manually line them up. (1914).
Sarcastic photo taken by anti-prohibitionists to mock their opponents in 1919.
A police officer on a Harley and an old fashioned mobile holding cell. (1921)
An early example of "horsemanning", the 1920's version of "planking".
Two winners of a 1922 Beauty Pageant, when beauty standards were much different.
An beach official measures bathing suits to ensure they aren't too short (1920s)
Suits were not allowed to end more than 6 inches above the knee.
A couple enjoys an old fashioned zipline on a weekend afternoon. (1923)
This bizarre helmet supposedly helped focus by rendering the wearer deaf, piping them full of oxygen, and limiting their vision to a tiny slit. (1925)
A mildly terrifying 1920s full faced swimming mask designed to protect women from the sun.
Hitler rehearsing his speeches in front of a mirror (1925).
The LA Public Library’s bookmobile program for the sick. (1928)
A zookeeper gives penguins a delightful shower from a watering can. (1930)
The One Wheel Motorcycle, capable of reaching a top speed of 93 mph. (1931)
How makers of the famous London Double-Decker buses proved they weren't a tipping hazard. (1933)
Baby cages for 1930s apartment families who wanted their children to get enough sunlight.
The iconic photo of a concerned pea-picker and mother of seven children during the Dust Bowl (1936)
These glasses were specifically made for reading in bed
The 1930's version of a GPS: This auto scrolling map was supposed to help people with directions in real time.
Model T "Elevator Garage" in Chicago. (1936)
Salvador Dalí and Coco Chanel sharing a smoke. (1938)
"Face Cones": a fashionable way to protect oneself during snowstorms (1939).
A bicycle that fits a family of four, including a sewing machine. (1939).
Babies wearing the gas mask hood system during a 1940 London bombing drill.
WWII soldiers get their last kiss before deployment.
A tiny puppy sleeping comfortably between Russian soldiers. (1945)
An Austrian boy couldn't be more excited about his first pair of new shoes in years. (1946)
A baby bear drinks a bowl of honey in a cafe. (1950)
A man dresses up his dog in a suit, then puts a cat in his lap. (1950s)
An ice-cold whisky dispenser, sometimes found in offices. (1950s)
The winner of the 1950 "Miss Atomic Bomb" pageant.
The winner of the 1950 "Miss Atomic Bomb" pageant.
The Afghanistan government was shifting towards democracy in the 1950s and 60s before the Taliban took over. Women could work, become educated, dress casually and use many of the modern day services that men could.
A young Paul McCartney takes a mirror selfie. (1959)
[Colorized] Young women hosting a 1950s house party.
Fidel Castro lays a wreath at the Lincoln Memorial. (1959)
Fritz the bulldog, a TV celebrity, is groomed by a barber. (1961)
The Cat-Mew Machine. (1963)
This Japanese machine meows times per minute to scare away rats and mice. The eyes light up too.
A young woman takes her pet lobster out for a walk.
Young boy attending Martin Luther King Jr's "I Have a Dream" speech, 28th Aug 1963.
The "TV Glasses" that never quite caught on. (1963)
"The Kiss of Life". This iconic photo shows a utility worker receiving mouth-to-mouth after being electrocuted. He survived. (1967).
A young Osama Bin Laden with his family in Sweden during the 1970s. He is second from the right in a green shirt.
Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham playing volleyball in 1971.
A cat poses for a cigarette card, found in Army Club Cigarettes. (1932)
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Construction of the E-ELT monster telescope starts on Thursday (Today) with the blasting of a million tonnes of rock from a mountain top.
Cerro Armazones in the Atacama Desert, which will be decapitated to make way for the European Extremely Large Telescope.
Between 17:30 and 19:30 BST, the European Southern Observatory will blast the top off Cerro Armazones, a 3,000-metre-high mountain in the Chilean Andes. And the world can watch it happen live via the player embedded below.
Almost a million tonnes of rock will be blown away in the detonation. This will lower the mountain top by 40 metres and provide a plateau on which to build the world’s largest telescope.
The European Extremely Large Telescope (E-ELT) is aptly named. It will be a single telescope with a primary mirror 39 metres across. This is almost four times as large as any other telescope yet constructed. It will collect light about 15 times faster than any other telescope, and will create images 16 times sharper than even the Hubble Space Telescope.
The primary mirror itself will not be a single circular slab of glass and aluminium. Instead it will consist of 789 1.4-metre hexagonal mirror segments that will be fitted and held together like kitchen tiles.
It will search for the as-yet unseen first galaxies to form in the universe, and be able to make direct observations of nearby planets around other stars. However you look at the E-ELT, it is a monster; a truly ambitious science project for the 21st century.
I stood on the peak of Cerro Armazones last December. As I arrived, after an hour’s off-road driving through the Atacama desert and a final hair-raising rally up the side of the mountain itself, my phone suddenly sprang into life.
Days’ worth of text messages came home to roost, having been stored somewhere in the cyber-ether, because for most of the trip I had been beyond reach of a phone signal.
I’d been staying on the remote Cerro Paranal, a few mountain tops away, where ESO had built their previous record-holding telescope. The Very Large Telescope (VLT) consists of four eight-metre wide telescopes that began operating in 1998. This was preceded by a similar mountain-top blasting to create a flat surface on which to build.
The Extremely Large Telescope (E-ELT) will have a primary mirror 39 metres across, almost four times as large as any other telescope yet constructed. It will create images 16 times sharper than even the Hubble Space Telescope. Photograph: ESO
I could see the four silver buildings of the VLT shining in the distance, and I tried to imagine what the planned dome of the E-ELT will look like from Paranal. It will be an extraordinary sight. About the height of London’s Big Ben, it will be twice as high and four times as wide as each VLT dome. It will dominate the mountain top.
It represents much more than just science. The UK contribution to the E-ELT is administered by the Science & Technology Facilities Council. In a press release, Professor Colin Cunningham, who leads the UK E-ELT Programme, said, “The E-ELT is one of the highest priorities for [the council] – not only will it be the world’s pre-eminent astronomical observatory for many years to come, it also presents a great opportunity for UK industry, requiring innovative technologies, from engineering to software and instrumentation, both in terms of building this state-of the-art facilities as well as in its ongoing operation.”
So far, more than £9m in contracts have been secured for the UK. These include one awarded to Glyndwr University in North Wales, which is supplying prototypes for the hexagonal mirror segments.
While it is certain that E-ELT will indeed be a major facility for the foreseeable future, there will come a time when a larger telescope is built. And that’s when I start to worry. What will they call that one?
First there was the VLT – Very Large Telescope. Now we will have the ELT – Extremely Large Telescope. What next? The FLT perhaps?
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Facebook Briefly 'Broken' for Users in Several Countries
Facebook's website was inaccessible for many of its 1.3 billion users this morning.
People trying to log on to the site were faced with a message saying:
"Something went wrong. We're working to get it fixed as soon as we can."
The shutdown drew attention across the web with many taking to Twitter to ask what all the fuss was about.
Facebook apologised for the problem but did not say what caused it.
"Earlier this morning, we experienced an issue that prevented people from posting to Facebook for a brief period of time. We resolved the issue, and we are now back to 100%. We're sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused."
It is not yet clear how many countries were affected.
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NB: I, and "Techs in The Know", rarely use FkBook.....if at all. and we have recognised for a very long time that Facebook have many ongoing 'Tech Problems', that they never seem to completely resolve.
IMHO, this is because they have grown too big, too fast and won't pay for the really good 'Tech Admins' available 'out there', that could really solve all their tech probs.....
That is why they will not truthfully explain why they, or their server, goes down so often.....
They have even in the past, blamed their downtimes on DDOS attacks...
All about money...
Simple as that....
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A Warning About Energy Drinks
A HEARTBROKEN mother has issued a warning about energy drinks which she believes killed her 16-year-old daughter.
Kris Hamman, of Arizona, says her daughter Lanna had been on holiday in Mexico with her friends and their parents when the tragedy occurred.
She told KPHO that Lanna’s friends told her that she had been on the beach consuming energy drinks but not drinking water before she had a fatal heart attack.
That night she complained about not feeling well an then went into cardiac arrest and died
“Obviously, this is something that could have happened anywhere, whether she was in Mexico or whether she was here in Arizona playing softball,” Mrs Hamann said. “(Parents should) make sure they’re watching their kids. (Watch) what they’re drinking and (make sure) they’re drinking water instead of an energy drink.”
To make matters worse Mexico has refused to release Lanna’s body because of a complication on the girl’s birth certificate.
Family and friends have launched a GoFundMe.com page to raise the $US13,000 ($13,900) needed to bring her body home.
Lanna’s parents travelled to Mexico overnight to retrieve their daughter’s body.
The US Food and Drug Administration launched an investigation into five deaths linked to energy drinks in 2012.
It came after a Maryland family filed a wrongful-death lawsuit claiming that their 14-year-old daughter died of a heart attack after consuming two Monster Energy drinks within the space of 24 hours.
It is unclear what brand of energy drink Lanna had been consuming the day she died.-
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Little Johnny & Little Susie
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny.
Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement.
"You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"-
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Finances Daily created this infographic of popular brand pictures that are used in adverts compared to the item in real life. The illustration will probably horrify you!
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Drinking in galway
"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.
In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's.
The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.
When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London ,
the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in me
favorite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink,
then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks,
they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
"Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."-
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In 2006, students in a dorm decided to prank their RA, who would be leaving for a three day weekend.
They helped him take the suitcases to the car, and stuck a friend in the closet to unlock the door when he left.
Then the fun started. Beginning with these moccasins.
Then came his phone and textbooks.
And the doorstop.
Then his DESK! Even the pictures.
Soon, half the room was covered in FOIL.
And the second half finished. They did the walls, the ceiling, everything. It took 3 days and 2400 sq. ft. of tin foil.
To the point that when the light shone in the room, you could have baked a cake!
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CP staff video application
in Video Share
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