TinyTaZZ

A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Butt." The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out." The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Butt." The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt." The girl exclaims, "Glad Azz -- Happy Butt -- what's the difference?

FINAL EXAM FAILURE Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't have a clue what I was doing (as cited on the final exam). There were 80 multiple choice questions. For some reason I decided to play the game of probability and choose the letter "A" for everything. In that game, the only thing probable was that I failed. The following day, the professor asked to see me after class. "Is everything okay?" "Sure," I said, "why? "Well, here's your test," he said and handed me a piece of paper that was covered with red ink. "Can you explain why you chose an 'A' for everything?" Knowing that there was nothing I could do at this point, I said, "Well, I've always wanted to be an 'A' student."

Real advertisements Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

The DOS 10 Commandments I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom. Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack . Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway. Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful. Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out . Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed. Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0 Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe three years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof . Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you're at it, don't try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either. Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn't occur in the first place.

McAfee-Question : Is Windows a virus ? No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug.

Added links to my post

Archives Comment Pro was developed as a .NET-based and open source utility that can help you customize your archive comments. Archives Comment Pro allows you to generate colorful comments andsave them in a text file. A software that can build archives and import comments can be used to load your comments.You can use this as a color guide use the program to make lil necessary character.The lil arrow is what has to be in front of one of these [0;1;37;32m link picture shows [0;1;37;32mTinyTAZZ [0;1;37;45m TaZZ RuleZ [0;2;37;33m @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @################################@ @# COMMENT TEXT TEST #@ @################################@ @# For showing you how we can #@ @# ---------------------------- #@ @# block the Text Comment #@ @# ---------------------------- #@ @# with some colors... #@ @# ---------------------------- #@ @# The small code isn't my, #@ @# ---------------------------- #@ @# I've uncovered it alone #@ @# ---------------------------- #@ @# and then I wanna write this #@ @# ---------------------------- #@ @# small tutorial #@ @# ---------------------------- #@ @# for those guys that #@ @# ---------------------------- #@ @# don't know... #@ @###############TinyTAZZ###@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ ===================================== SUGGEST] BEFORE YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS ===================================== When you want to put the comment on the file.RAR, I suggest to write it before with the Wordpad or other text program, then copy and paste on Comment Window (ALT + M) of WinRAR... Or save the Comment_File.txt on you're computer and after again in the Comment Window, click: Load Comment From File a nd browse your file txt. But the first way is more better... @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ =========================================== TUTO] About How we can block the Text...... =========================================== That's simple, as you can see, at the top of this TXT there is a small code like this---> [0;2;37;33m You've to copy & paste in the first line at the top of your comment and click OK. This code, block the text comment with the dark yellow text and bacground balck... When the text comment is blocked you cannot copy it... -------------------- Colors Packs Codes 1 ===================================================== SOME CODES FOR CHANGE THE COLORS OF TEXT & BACKGROUND ===================================================== White on BG Black..........: [0;1;37m Grey on BG Black...........: [0;1;37;30m Red on BG Black............: [0;1;37;31m Matrix Green on BG Black...:[0;1;37;32m Yellow on BG Black.........: [0;1;37;33m Blue on BG Black...........:[0;1;37;34m Fuxia on BG Black..........: [0;1;37;35m Celestial on BG Black......: [0;1;37;36m ============================================= SAME COLORS ABOVE, BUT THE TEXT ARE MORE DARK ============================================= [0;2;37m [0;2;37;30m <<--- Hide text with black BG LOL [0;2;37;31m [0;2;37;32m [0;2;37;33m [0;2;37;34m [0;2;37;35m [0;2;37;36m @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ -------------------- Colors Packs Codes 2 ====================================================== WITH THE CODES BELOW, YOU CAN CHANGE THE COLORS OF: TEXT,ONLY BACKGROUND ABOUT THAT PART WHERE IS THE TEXT, AND BACKGROUND ====================================================== White Text, Red for the part of Text & BG Black: [0;1;37;41m White Text, Green for the part of Text & BG Black: [0;1;37;42m White Text, Yellow for the part of Text & BG Black: [0;1;37;43m <<--- Bad colors Composition [0;3;37;43m <<--- But this is better, with Grey Text White Text, Blue for the part of Text & BG Black: [0;1;37;44m White Text, Rose for the part of Text & BG Black: [0;1;37;45m White Text, celestial for the part of Text & BG Black: [0;1;37;46m Grey Text, White for the part of Text & BG Black: [0;3;37;47m ========================================= OTHERS COLORS ABOUT THE COMPOSITION ABOVE BUT WITH MORE DARK TEXT ========================================= [0;2;37;41m [0;2;37;42m [0;2;37;44m [0;2;37;45m [0;2;37;46m +-----------------------------------------+ |=========================================| |Tutorial by TinyTAZZ |=========================================| +-----------------------------------------+ INFO: http://www.softpedia.com/get/Office-tools/Text-editors/Archives-Comment-Pro.shtml Download http://www.softpedia.com/progDownload/Archives-Comment-Pro-Download-225859.html

Welcome Aboard friend This ia an awesome forum ..

Dogs not on computers Why Dogs Don't Use Computers Can't stick their heads out of Windows '7 Fetch command not available on all platforms. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail." Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand... Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question! Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg. Too Hard To Type With Paws

You're stressed when You Know You're Too Stressed If... You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up. The Sun is too loud. Trees begin to chase you. You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso. You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee. You can hear mimes. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly. Things become "Very Clear." You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand. The less sense matter and matter is more than sense. You and Reality file for divorce. You can skip without a rope. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition. You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies. Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it befo

Having a very bad day You Know You're Having a Bad Day When... Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists. You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned. Your twin sister forgets your birthday. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold. You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning. Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party. Your income tax refund check bounces. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture. You wake up and your braces are stuck together. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband. You put both contacts into the same eye. Your mother approves of the person you're dating. Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate. You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard. Nothing you own is actually paid for. Everyone loves your driver's licence picture, but you think it looks awful. The health inspector condems your office coffee maker. You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no. The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future. People think that you're 40 and you're only 25. When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age. You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch. You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night...... and there aren't any. It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

Things You'll Never Hear A Woman Say You will Never hear women say What do you mean today's our anniversary? Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV. Ohh, this diamond ring is way too big!! And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska! Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here. I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.

Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say: You will Never hear a man say Here honey, you use the remote. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big. Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see! While I'm up, can I get you anything? Honey since we don't have anything else planned, will you go to the wallpaper store with me? Why don't you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of shoes? Aww, forget Monday night football, Let's watch Melrose Place. Hey let me hold your purse while you try that on. We never talk anymore

Twenty Things a Guy Learned From Action Movies 1. No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands. 2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room. 3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old. 4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me. 5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supercede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day. 6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me. 7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me. 8. Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is a homosexual. Or at least a sissy. 9. If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends. 10. My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands. 11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a 'flesh wound,' which will be tended to by a beautiful woman. 12. Nuclear weapons will never go off because something will always happen about three seconds before one does to stop it from exploding. 13. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly. 14. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly. 15. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly. 16. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me. 17. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Rick,' or 'Steve.' 18. Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, "When's the last time you got any sleep?" They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those things either. 19. The aliens will always be overpowered by the humans in the end though their fighting may result in a lot of casualties and destruction. 20. If everyone in a team dies, it's the last man's job to win the fight against his enemy.

The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.

Top ten signs that you are too drunk 10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth. 9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. 8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 6. You can focus better with one eye closed. 5. You fall off the floor. 5. The whole bar greets you when you come in. 4. You haven't had a driver's license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like. 3. Roseanne looks good. 2. You don't recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass. 1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.

The top ten reasons why the television is better than the World Wide Web 10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message? 8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV. 7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard. 5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign. 4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in. 3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web. 2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO. 1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

Reasons to stay at work all night 1. Act out your version of a company takeover. 2. Find a way to change everyone's password to "chrysanthemum". 3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature. 4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion. 5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out "what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art". 6. Go into the other gender's bathroom without fear of being caught. 7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to. 8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail. 9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss. 10. Elevator surfing!

Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer 10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them. 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six. 5. The password is "Huntin". 4. The CPU has a gun rack mount. 3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive. 2. The keyboard is camouflaged. 1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

The computer user's reboot poem Don't you wish when life is bad and things just don't compute, That all we really had to do was stop and hit reboot? Things would all turn out ok, life could be so sweet If we had those special keys Ctrl, Alt, and Delete Your boss is mad, your bills not paid, your wife, well she's just mute Just stop and hit those wonderful keys that make it all reboot You'd like to have another job but you fear living in the street? You solve it all and start a new, Ctrl, Alt, and Delete

The top ten signs that someone is using your e-mail account 10. "Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?" 9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you. 8. Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly. 7. When you log on, your computer says "You've got lawsuits!" 6. You're suddenly getting more Spam than the Hormel outlet store. 5. Sotheby's says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 and change. 4. You now have 130,000 ClubTop5 subscriptions and the list moderator is on the cover of Business Week. 3. Terse "Knock it off, Oedipus" e-mail from your Mom. 2. Your wife calls you at the office to report that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride, has arrived. 1. "The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately."

Girlfriend 1.0 software Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer. Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0: 1. A "Don't remind me again" button. 2. Minimize button. 3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects). I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another thing that sucks--in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts. Bug warning Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

Software development cycle 1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. 2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. 3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. 4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. 5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. 6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. 7. Users find 137 new bugs. 8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. 9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. 10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. 11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. 12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch. 13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

The top ten signs that your co-worker is a computer hacker 10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running. 8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex. 7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down. 6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work. 5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net" 4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments. 3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons 2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President." 1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."

Some possible computer bumper stickers 1. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding 2. <-------- The information went data way 3. The name is Baud...James Baud. 4. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 5. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! 6. C:V> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 7. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) 8. Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups. 9. E Pluribus Modem 10. .... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 11. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny 12. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)? 13. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium. 14. Windows: Just another pane in the glass. 15. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . 16. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. 17. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue... 18. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key 19. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! 20. E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. 21. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. 22. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 23. Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! 24. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... 25. REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q) 26. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) 27. Hit any user to continue. 28. Disk Full - Press F1 to belch. 29. Backup not found: (A)bort ®etry (P)anic 30. (A)bort, ®etry, (G)et a beer?