ghostxdreams2

Every Morning - Sugar Ray

It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer". So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!". The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?" "Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"

Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question." "Which is ...?", they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the first girl. "Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the golden key." "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl. "Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the silver key." "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl. "Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically had sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime." "Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... my room key."

What does the snail say when he gets on the turtle? "Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q: Why do cavemen drag women by the hair instead of ankles? A: So they don't fill up with rocks!!!

Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (t.g.i.f.)

In the Beginning was The Plan And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without form And the Plan was completely without substance And the darkness was upon the face of the Workers And the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh." And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth, "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them, "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them, "It promotes growth and is very powerful." And the Vice Presidents went unto the President and sayeth unto him, "This new Plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this Company, and in these Areas in particular." And the President looked upon The Plan, And saw that it was good, and The Plan became Policy. And this is how Shit Happens.

OneRepublic - Counting Stars

what 4 letter word rhymes with chuck = f%ck

Complete and Finished No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete"and "finished." However, in a linguistic conference, held in London England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese was the clever winner. His final challenge was this. Some say there is no difference between "complete"and"finished." Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand. His response was: When you marry the right woman, you are "complete." If you marry the wrong woman, you are"finished." And, when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are "completely finished..!" His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

Fun.: Some Nights

Alice Cooper - Welcome To My Nightmare

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/oddnews/snake%E2%80%99s-last-meal-comes-back-to-bite-her-182703220.html

O Brother Where Art Though - The Soggy Bottom Boys

Doctor Doctor -Thompson Twins

Eagles: Hotel California [Remastered]

An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, "You're really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?" "I fell overboard," says the Captain, "and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark bit it off." "Terrible," says the sailor. "And what happened to your hand?" "We attacked a man-o'-war," says the Captain, "and one of the attackers chopped it off with a saber." "Awful," says the sailor. "And how did you lose your eye?" "Seagull droppings," says the Captain. "Amazing," says the sailor. "I didn't know seagull droppings could put your eye out." "Can't," says the Captain. "But it was my first day with the hook."

One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Billy watches, and after a couple of minutes asks,"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?" "Of course, Son, we're a family." So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!", cries Billy, "this is where me and the mailman usually falls off!"

The Government Can

Guns N' Roses - Welcome To The Jungle

Tina Turner- What's Love Got To Do With It

Tom Petty - Free Fallin'

TLC - Waterfalls