ghostxdreams2

i hear that or at my bank

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/vw-produces-eerie-interactive-anti-texting-psa-201314963.html texting and driving a big no-no

as long as i make at least one person smile in a day then i,m a happy camper

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.' THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, 'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!' 'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?' 'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.' HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE. I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.' 'A WITCH ??. . WHY in the world WOULD YOU SAY THAT?' 'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..... AND TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!"

you know thats right

I'm over 65 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters: Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys onl y think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?" An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a beer carton and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. (Note there are 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles in a beer carton...another convenient way to measure time!) An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early every morning to pee. If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps. They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sergean t now, "Get down and give me...er...one." And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack s howing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to shade eyes, not the back of a head. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death. Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

by now most people know about i-heart online radio so if you have a favorite station that you like or in your home town share it here. here is mine it,s in fort smith arkansas hope you might like it it is a mix of old music like 80,s-90,s and some newer stuff. http://www.iheart.com/live/B-98-117

all theses years i have been doing the hula a hoop wrong now i know why i should have done it bare footed duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

In Montana, on the sight where Custer and his men had their asses handed to them by the Sioux, a huge mural is to be painted. The artist insists on keeping it real . When the mural is unveiled it shows an orgy of naked Indians screwing all over the prairie, and in the center a cow with a halo. The artist says the mural is a rendering of Custer's final thoughts - "Holy cow! Look at all them f-kin' Indians!"

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old Super glue is forever McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water Pool filters do not like Jello VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do Always look in the oven before you turn it on The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5 minute response time The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy It will however make cats dizzy Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy

The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable. The three of them decide to duck inside. On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway. "Jesus Christ!" he says. Joseph says, "Quick, Mary, write that down! It's a hell of a lot better than Clyde!"

Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, its fathers turn to do the job. "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork parents are desperate, their son is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask their son where he had been all night. Says the baby stork, "Awww, just scaring the shit out of college kids!"

HERE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS on VACATIONS 1.. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." 2.. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned." 3.. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food." 4.. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price." 5.. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room." 6.. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow." 7.. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax." 8.. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared." 9.. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers." 10. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish." 11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun." 12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair." 13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller." 14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort,' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service." 15. "When we were in Spain there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners." 16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning." 17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel." 18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes." 19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked." BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN CHOOSING A TRAVEL COMPANY!

i,m just wondering if anyone can tell me if it,s getting close to summer yet?

where all i see is her uranus

that could be a clue still waiting to make sure

An old farmer decided that it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years so the farmer figured that getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So, he gets a young rooster and lets it loose in the barn yard. The old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. "So, they're trying to replace me," thinks the old rooster, "I've got to do something about this!" He walks up to the new bird and says, "So, you're the new guy in town. I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? I'm not exactly ready for the chopping block yet. I bet I'm still the better bird and to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself." Well, the cocky young rooster was a proud sort and he definitely thought that he was more than a match for the old guy, so he said, "okay, you're on. And since I know that I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easily." So, the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race and all the hens gather around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continued to slip each time around and by the fifth lap he just barely led the young rooster. By then, the farmer has heard all the commotion. He ran into the house, got his shotgun, and ran out to the barn yard, figuring a fox or something was after his chickens. When he got there, he saw the two roosters running around the hen house with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately took his shotgun, aimed, fired, and blew the young rooster away. He walked away slowly saying to himself...."****! That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month!"

just so everyone knows i am on the vid also you just can,t see me i was nude that day

It was laying limp in my hand. It was very long, kind of thin. I slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it. I was turning it on. It became firm in my hands, and the end was wet. Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip. Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.

sitting here watching t.v while reading on cp and happen to see this on t.v just had to post it how many sheets of toilet paper does the average person use per day? answer: 175 dam now i have to start counting them just to see if thats true

lmao @ neo good post

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?" A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?" "Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir." "What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?" "Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week old puppy." "Bull!" roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my Doberman?" "It appears that he choked on it, sir."

gives a whole new meaning to ---------------getting nailed?

ya you know it i didn't know it was a glitch i thought it was a burp-------------you know kind of makes me want to watch the matrix