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ghostxdreams2

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Posts posted by ghostxdreams2

  1. Posted · Report reply

    What does the snail say when he gets on the turtle?

    "Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!"

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the
    other side

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    Q: Why do cavemen drag women by the hair instead of ankles?
    A: So they don't fill up with rocks!!!

    • Like 3

  10. Posted · Report reply

    Complete and Finished

    No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference

    between "complete"and "finished." However, in a linguistic
    conference, held in London England, and attended by
    some of the best linguists in the world,
    Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese was the clever winner.
    His final challenge was this. Some say there is no difference
    between "complete"and"finished."
     
    Please explain the difference in a way that is easy
    to understand. His response was:

    When you marry the right woman, you are "complete."
    If you marry the wrong woman, you are"finished."
    And, when the right woman catches you with the
    wrong woman, you are "completely finished..!"

    His answer received a five minute standing ovation.
    • Like 3

  12. Posted · Report reply

    An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, "You're really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?" "I fell overboard," says the Captain, "and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark bit it off." "Terrible," says the sailor. "And what happened to your hand?" "We attacked a man-o'-war," says the Captain, "and one of the attackers chopped it off with a saber." "Awful," says the sailor. "And how did you lose your eye?" "Seagull droppings," says the Captain. "Amazing," says the sailor. "I didn't know seagull droppings could put your eye out." "Can't," says the Captain. "But it was my first day with the hook."

    • Like 2

  13. Posted · Report reply

    In the Beginning was The Plan
    And then came the Assumptions
    And the Assumptions were without form
    And the Plan was completely without substance
    And the darkness was upon the face of the Workers
    And the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying
    "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."
    And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,
    "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."
    And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,
    "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong,
    such that none may abide by it."
    And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth,
    "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
    And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another,
    "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
    And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them,
    "It promotes growth and is very powerful."
    And the Vice Presidents went unto the President and sayeth unto him,
    "This new Plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this
    Company, and in these Areas in particular."
    And the President looked upon The Plan,
    And saw that it was good, and The Plan became Policy.
    And this is how Shit Happens.

    • Like 3

  14. Posted · Report reply

    One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not
    finding his mother in the
    kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom.
    He opens the door,
    and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for
    lunch, stripped naked,
    on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking.
    Not wanting to
    traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong.
    Billy watches, and after a
    couple of minutes asks,"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?"
    "Of course, Son,
    we're a family." So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his
    mother starts
    moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!", cries Billy, "this is
    where me and the
    mailman usually falls off!"

    • Like 2
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