ghostxdreams2
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Posts posted by ghostxdreams2
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On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible "What are you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the lawyer.
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One day, a fellow went for a ride through the park on his bicycle.
The following day, a friend asked him if he would like to do it again.
He replied, "No thanks, I'm not into recycling."-
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A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow
$200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what
kind of collateral he has. The man says 'I've got a
Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off
-- here are the keys.'
Six months later the man comes into the bank, pays
back the $200 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains
possession of the Rolls Royce.
The loan officer asks him, 'Sir, if I may ask, why
would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow
two hundred dollars?'
The man answers, 'I had to go to Europe for six months,
and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that
long for ten dollars?'-
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A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he
have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he
wouldn't make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and
asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the
lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied,
"When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same
way."-
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Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub
late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old
graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave,
God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says
here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145
years old!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is
written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."-
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thanks for all the info it really did help -- maybe it will help others too
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thats gooooooooooooood eating right there
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you got that right
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For years and years i have used avg and have been happy with it i have tried other programs.
some have been good some of been memory hogs. it seems every few days there is a new virus that comes out to screw with us and i understand that the powers that be *antivirus companies * have their hands full trying to keep us protected .but sometimes it can be overkill .
it seems everytime i turn around i,m having to tweak my antivirus just so it dont drag down my pc.
so what i want to hear from the mass,s is what kind of antivirus program do you use and why?
like is it ez to navigate around in can i have control of what i want running .
i will give you an example .
in avg there is a little thing called identity protection .
now you can pay extra for this if you want to and i guess it,s ok i never do but wither you pay for it or not there is a part of it eating up resources like crazy--unless you know how to go in and shut it down.which i do lol
i can go to my task manager and there are 4 items just from avg running one is email scanner
now like most people i read my email on the net which they*email sites* have their own set of protection so why is avg running a email scanner that i,m not using?you shut it down and boom it comes right back on. i know some may say well you can turn it off in setting been there done that no good.
so if you would speak out give the name of your antivirus that you trust and say why you trust it.
i look forward to hearing all opinions on this matter .
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naw bro tell the truth
you was whispering sweet nothings into her ear
that turned into naughty nibbles
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http://news.yahoo.com/artists-unusual-homeless-sign-collection-makes-some-people-uncomfortable-144416870.htmlDALLAS — A dozen pieces of cardboard are sprawled on an art gallery floor in a hopscotch pattern.
It looks like child’s play, but the situated squares also bear prominent passages penned by homeless people looking for assistance.
“Anything Will Help”
“Out Of Work”
“Stranded & Hungry”
Artist Willie Baronet watches as the attendees skip across his exhibit in their sock feet.
“There is a moment when they realize they’re stepping on a homeless sign, and they have this visceral reaction,” Baronet, 54, said. “The symbolism of that to me is profound. I believe we all sometimes step on the homeless metaphorically without meaning to.
“I find it odd that somebody would think that stepping on a piece of cardboard on a gallery floor is a big deal when they might be willing to ignore a person day after day.”
There was a time when Baronet avoided homeless people or concocted stories in his head as to why they were begging — anything to justify his own discomfort.
But his mindset started shifting in 1993 when, on a whim, he began buying and collecting signs from homeless people on street corners. Two decades later, Baronet has amassed hundreds of the signs.
“I don’t want to stop,” he recently told Yahoo News. “This keeps me connected in a way I want to stay connected.”
On any given day, Baronet rolls down his car window at a red light and pleasantly asks in his soothing native Cajun dialect, “Hey, will you sell me your sign?”
His offers, initially met with surprise, often induce smiles and engaging conversations.
“They’re me, I’m them, and this is all really just about human beings connecting and resisting putting somebody in a box because of their circumstances,” he said.
Baronet first asks how much a person wants for the sign and negotiates from there. Most go for about $10, and he estimates he's spent $7,000 on signs over the two decades.
His collection comes in many forms: colorful, crumpled, heartbreaking and hilarious. He has his favorites, but he admires each piece as a unique artifact.
“Sometimes it’s the writing, what they say,” Baronet said. “Sometimes it’s the way they do their lettering. Sometimes it’s typos. I’m interested in the expression that goes on.”
It wasn’t until 2009, after he had sold his successful ad agency and began working on his Master of Fine Arts degree, that Baronet finally saw his hobby as art worth sharing.
“You’ve got to do something with these,” a professor once told him, Baronet said. “It gave me the confidence at that point to take it very seriously.”
In recent years he’s created sculpturelike exhibits such as the homeless hopscotch as well as a colossal wall collage and a room filled with signs suspended chest high by fishing line.
“I know this makes some people uncomfortable,” Baronet said. “Sometimes I like creating art that furthers that.”
In July, Baronet will embark on his biggest endeavor yet. With the help of a friend, Baronet plans to drive from Seattle to New York City to buy signs and connect with homeless people in 24 cities.
“It’s scarier to be open to a conversation and hear their truth,” he said.
Several years ago there was a one-legged woman standing at an intersection in Austin, Texas. Before he reached her, Baronet says, he “crafted this big victim story in my head.”
“But she was powerful,” he recalls of the woman who had been injured in a boating accident. “When I had a conversation with her, she was funny, charming and confident.”
Baronet paid $20 for her sign, which read "On My Last Leg."
The Dallas resident is the first to admit that he’s not a researcher or an expert on homelessness.
“Most of my knowledge is just from what I’ve uncovered and my gut intuition,” he said. “But I say 99 percent of the people I run into have a legitimate need.”
And, yes, he’s aware he could be getting scammed or funding bad habits.
“I don’t think it’s up to me to pass judgment on somebody for how they make their living and what they do with the money they get,” Baronet said. “It’s fine if people decide that they don’t want to give money. It’s fine if I don’t want to give money. But if I do give money, I don’t give it with strings attached.”
He will chronicle the 31-day “We Are All Homeless” journey so he can later produce a book and documentary film. Baronet, who also teaches advertising at Southern Methodist University, is raising funds to help with expenses but says the road trip will happen regardless. “We’ll cut as many corners as we can cut,” he said.
“My point is not to make money,” Baronet said. “Material stuff isn’t my sort of thing. My point is to put the art out there. My point is to start conversations and raise awareness. My point is to keep learning about me. And that’s a selfish point.”
Growing up, Baronet was the oldest of eight children in South Louisiana. He remembers winning a coloring contest in the second grade and always enjoying drawing, “but I think I baffled” my parents, Baronet said.
“We were a poor family, and art was not a thing,” he said.
As they struggled to make ends meet, Baronet said, his dad at times took out his aggression on the family.
Years of being drilled to keep his nose “to the grindstone and don’t think too much of yourself” likely contributed to his delay in becoming an artist.
It wasn’t until he opened his eyes to the unfair circumstances that the homeless are sometimes born into that he was able to confront his own unstable upbringing, he said. “My dad didn’t know how to support me,” said Baronet, who now has a healthy relationship with his father.
His mother, Dorothy Baronet, was 64 when she died of lung cancer in 2003. It was then that he sought to fulfill his dream.
“I believe her death was very much a clarifying event for me in ... that I don’t have forever,” Baronet said. “It was pretty clear that it was time for me to do what I was most afraid of, which is the art.”
He beams as he recalls his mother’s Cajun cooking, teddy bear collection and gift for storytelling.
“The creative mojo came from Mom,” Baronet said. “She really had the juice.”
Now he laments that she’s not here to witness his new passion for storytelling — sharing the struggles of thousands of homeless people.
“She would be proud,” Baronet says, wiping away tears.
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thats how i got my wife back in the day
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At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here
has ever seen a ghost?" Most of the hands go up. "And how many of you have
had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half the hands stay up.
"OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?" Three
hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd. "Gosh, that's pretty
good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?" One hand
stays up. The speaker blinks. "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've
actually had sexual contact with a ghost?" The guy with his hand up
suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said "goat'."_____________________________________________________________________________________
:rolleyes:on a side note i thought for a sec i got lucky and didn't know
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thanks all
now if we can only get cg to pull up the pants and quit running around singing i,m a little pee pot 
things can get back to normal 
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thank you
Welcome Back Mate...
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A husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her
expanding backside. He commented, "Boy, your ass is getting big.almost as
big as the gas grill here." She angrily stomped across the yard, and he
followed saying, "Yep, that thing is getting huge." At this, the wife
retreated to the far side of the yard. Soon he approached with a tape
measure, acquired the width, and exclaimed, "It IS as big as the gas
grill!"
Later that night when they were in bed, the husband started making moves on
his wife. She just turned away. "C'mon, honey," he said, "what's wrong?"
Her cold reply was, "I'm not firing up this grill for just one little
weiner!"-
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There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam.
It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and
young George was pretty excited.
"Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George.
"George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined up
at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice
orderly fashion." said Sam.
"Okay, I can do that." George answered.
Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam
said and George was all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few more
instructions.
"Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end and
you can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle" said Sam.
"OK, OK, let's go!" said George.
"Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These gals will
let us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?"
said Sam.
"Sure" says George.
Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one
end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remember's Sam's
instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to
say - "Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am,
thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am." -
Wife comes home to find the old man humping the dog in the front room.
"My God
Henry", she screams, "I know you've had other woman but this time
you've gone too far!"
"You may be right" he says, "I think I'm stuck."-
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A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.
He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive
woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He
was very self conscious about his eye but got up the nerve
to ask her for a dance.
"Would you like to dance with me?"he asked.
She replied "Would I!", and he sneered and told her,"BIG NOSE!" -
HISTORICAL TRIVIADid you know the saying "God willing and the Creek don't rise" was in reference to the Creek Indians and not a body of water? It was written by Benjamin Hawkins in the late 18th century. He was a politician and Indian diplomat. While in the south,Hawkins was requested by the President of the U.S. to return to Washington. In his response, he was said to write, "God willing and the Creek don't rise." Because he capitalized the word "Creek" it is deduced that he was referring to the Creek Indian tribe and not a body of water.*********************************In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are 'limbs,' therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, 'Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.' (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint)******************************As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term 'big wig;' Today we often use the term 'here comes the Big Wig because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.*********************************In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The 'head of the household' always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal.. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the 'chair man.' Today in business, we use the expression or title 'Chairman' or 'Chairman of the Board.'*********************************Personal hygiene left much room for improvement.. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, 'mind your own bee's wax.' Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term 'crack a smile'. In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . .. . Therefore, the expression 'losing face.'*********************************Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in 'straight laced' wore a tightly tied lace..********************************Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to 'go sip some Ale and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. 'You go sip here' and 'You go sip there.' The two words 'go sip' were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term 'gossip.'**********************************At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in 'pints' and who was drinking in 'quarts,' hence the phrase 'minding your 'P's and Q's'.**********************************One more: bet you didn't know this!In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem....how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a 'Monkey' with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make 'Brass Monkeys.' Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey; Thus, it was quite literally, 'Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.' (All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)
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well after a few weeks off to visit with family i,m backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk lol i want to give a shout out to tech for picking up the slack in the-fun-laughs-section also a big shout out to all the others who posted thanks for keeping a smile on the forum face
so having said all of that back to work or in my case fun -
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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied,'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing communityservice this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.When the barber went to open his shop the next morning,there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries topay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept moneyfrom you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morningwhen the barber went to open up, There was a 'thank you'card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.Then a Senator came in for a haircut, and when he went topay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept moneyfrom you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Senatorwas very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when thebarber went open up, there were a dozen Senators linedup waiting for a free haircut.And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental differencebetween the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.REMEMBER: POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULDBE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.-
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Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels
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Keyboard2 Definitions of Keyboard The definition of keyboard, the meaning of the word Keyboard:-
n. - Device consisting of a set of keys on a piano or organ or typewriter or typesetting machine or computer or the like
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n. - Holder consisting of an arrangement of hooks on which keys or locks can be hung
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>side note makes for lousy frisbie <<<<<<<
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n. - Device consisting of a set of keys on a piano or organ or typewriter or typesetting machine or computer or the like
Motivational posters
in The Fun & Laughs Section
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