Some funnies for the day.....

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Donation

 

When Father O'Malley answers the phone a voice says

 

'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

 

'It is!'

 

'This is the Internal Revenue Service. Can you help us?'

 

'I can!'

 

 

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

 

'I do!'

 

'Is he a member of your congregation?'

 

'He is!'

 

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

 

'He will.'

 

 

 

Brothel Trip

 

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a lady for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

 

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

 

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

 

'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'

 

 

 

 

Senility

 

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'

'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'

 

 

 

 

 

Marriage Humour

 

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

 

Husband: Nothing.

 

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

 

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

 

 

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Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

 

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

 

Wife: 'Yes or no.'

 

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Stress Reliever

 

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

 

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

 

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

 

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A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

 

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

 

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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

 

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!' (I believe he is still in traction at the hospital)

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Husbands are husbands

 

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

'What was that for?' the man asked.

The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'..

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on' the wife apologized and went on with the housework..

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.

Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned'