kenner 266 Report post Posted February 22, 2012 -I ' m not normally suspicious but the wife told me yesterday that Gavin from Autoglass came round and injected that special resin into her crack......................she hasn't even got a car!! -I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Aunt’s dinner. I feel sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I would never be able to forgive myself. -Matt Lucas ' s ex-partner hanged himself. Matt is said to be distraught but on a lighter note, he is now the only gay in the village -A little girl walks into her parents ' bedroom. " Holy F**k" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb...!! -Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road. A man asks "What ' s wrong?" Boy says "Me Ma is dead" "Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O ' Riley ?" Wee boy replies “No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight now." *** Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End. -Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. Told them to " F**k Off". Anyone who fits into my clothes isn ' t starving!!! -Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it ' s now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut. -Turned on my SatNav and it said ' Bear Left ' and there was the zoo. How good is that? -I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think "I am f**king having that!" -Man lost in a hot air balloon over Ireland . He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?" The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can ' t kid me ya b ' stard, you ' re in that feckin basket!" -Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999. Paddy says "It ' s my wife, I ' ve accidentally shot her. I ' ve killed her" Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?" CLICK,BANG Paddy "OK, done that, what next? 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
