CyberGod

Wedding Ring for IT People

Theory of Relativity Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy. I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my stepmother. Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, it simply d! rives me wild. For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!!

Wont take long for this

The facts about Chuck Norris Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Identification President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this cheque for me"? Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID"? Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barrack Obama, the president of the United States of America !!!!" Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of imposters and forgers, etc I must insist on seeing ID" Obama: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am" Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them." Obama: "I am urging you please to cash this cheque" Cashier: "Look Mr. President this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his cheque. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States ?" Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says: "Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing I can do." Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"

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Thanks for the concern and suggestions. Sorry, CyberWarez is run differently from other forums. We definitely know how to make money but we do not want to sacrifice the unique environment. Even when low on funds we have not restricted entry or pulled board off till people donate like the other commercial websites. Nor do we encourage cheap earnings through objectionable content posts. We will try our best to keep it running free from member irritating money earning schemes.

It's functioning very much smoothly. Please add a screenshot in here

Just 1 Extra Bedroom Every person those who r far away from their parents for jobs should have to read this heart touching mail !!! ONE BEDROOM FLAT... WRITTEN BY AN INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER.. A Bitter Reality As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true.. Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India. My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat. I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down. Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate. In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA. My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing. After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to Indiaso that they can see their grand-children. Every year I decide to go to India But part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting Indiawas a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India ... The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children. After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to Indiato settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA... My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India..... My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years. Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA... I decided that had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India... I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality. Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode. Sometimes, I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more. I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM. Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me. Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them. But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?' I am still searching for an answer.................!!! START THINKING IS IT JUST FOR ONE EXTRA BEDROOM??? LIFE IS BEYOND THIS. DON'T JUST LEAVE YOUR LIFE START LIVING IT LIVE IT AS YOU WANT IT TO BE

Wine taster At a wine merchant the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They gave him a glass to drink. He tried it and said, "It's a Muscat , three Years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers". Low grade but acceptable. "That's correct", said the boss. Another glass.... "It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.." "Correct." A third glass... ''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive'' calmly said the drunk. The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father."

The Cleaning Poem I asked the Lord of Computer to tell me Why my house is such a mess He asked if I'd been 'Computering',Whole Day And I had to answer 'yes.' He told me to get off my bu*t, And tidy up the house. And so I started cleaning up... The smudges off my mouse. I wiped and shined the topside. That really did the trick... I was just admiring my good work. I didn't mean to 'click.' But click, I did, and oops - I found A real absorbing site That I got SO way into it - I was into it all night. So nothing's changed except my mouse. It's as shiny as the sun. I guess my house will stay a mess..... While I sit here on my b*m. :rofl: Thank you for being my e-mail buddy and friend! * are 18+ words so beWARE :rofl:

Milk Vs Vodka They say milk give you strength. drink 5 glasses and try move a wall....u can't.. But drink 5 shots of vodka and see..wall moves on its own.. CHEERS...

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks, "What did you do?" The woman says, "I committed adultery." Priest, "How many times?" Woman, "Three times." Priest, "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Priest, "What did you do?" Man, "I committed adultery." Priest, "How many times?" Man, "Three times." Priest, "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Rabbi, "What did you do?" Woman, "I committed adultery." Rabbi, "How many times?" Woman, "Once." Rabbi, "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God." The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?" The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK: 1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer : "Ok." Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer : "No." Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer : "No." Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." ---------------------------------------- 2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support : "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" -------------------------------------------------- 3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done." Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'." Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer : "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer: "No..." -------------------------------------------------- 4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile) -------------------------------------------------- 5). Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" Tech support : ##### * -------------------------------------------------- 6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?" Customer : "A white one." Tech support : ****_____#### -------------------------------------------------- 7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?" Customer : "Pentium." Tech support : ////-----+++ -------------------------------------------------- 8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." Tech support : ?????? -------------------------------------------------- 9).Cus tomer : "I have Microsoft Exploder." Tech Support : ?!%#$ -------------------------------------------------- 10). Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?" Tech support : ?????? -------------------------------------------------- 11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support : "What does it say?" Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." Tech support : @@@@@ -------------------------------------------------- 12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" -------------------------------------------------- 13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?" Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support : "Well?" Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?" Tech support : * ---- ++++ -------------------------------------------------- The best of the lot 14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty. Tech: What's the problem? User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply. Tech: (keep quite) Tech: You'll need a new power supply. User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it. User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up. Tech support:: (hush hush) Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. User: I knew it! Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM http://nosmoke.com/ > http://nosmoke.com/ > at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes. 10 minutes later. User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking. Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using? User : MS-DOS 6.22. Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes. 1 hour later. User : I need a new power supply. Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion? Tech support : (hush hush) User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. Tech: Then what did he say? User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE. ------------------------------------------------- Hight Of all (Too Good) 15) customer care officer: I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out? Cust: sure CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'? Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer? have fun!!!

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? Idiot: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!! (Here at least one cannot call him idiot) ———————————- Interviewer: what is your birth date? idiot: 13th October Which year? idiot: you stupid_ _ _ EVERY YEAR ———————————- Manager asked idiot at an interview. Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? Idiot replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X. ———————————- After returning back from a foreign trip, idiot asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner? Wife: No! Why? Idiot: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner? ———————————- One tourist from U.S.A. asked Idiot: Any great man born in this village??? Idiot: no sir, only small Babies!!! ———————————- When Idiot was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted the mirror. Idiot shouted, “You are trying to see my wife? Sit behind. I will drive. ———————————- Idiot: My mobile bill how much? Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status Idiot: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL. ———————————- Idiot: I think that girl is deaf.. Friend: How do u know? Idiot: I told I Love her, but she said her slippers are new. ———————————- Friend: I got a brand new Ford Explorer for my wife! Idiot: Wow!!! That’s an unbelievable exchange offer!!! ———————————- Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world? Idiot: ZEBRA Teacher: How? Idiot: Bcoz it is Black & White ———————————- Idiot attending an interview in Software Company. Manager: Do you know MS Office? Idiot: If you give me the address I will go there sir. ———————————- Idiot in airplane going 2 Bombay . While its landing he shouted: ” Bombay … Bombay ” Air hostess said: “Be silent.” Idiot: “Ok.. Ombay. Ombay” ———————————- Teacher: “What is common between JESUS, GANDHI and BUDHA?” Idiot: “All are born on government holidays…!!! ———————————- Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple? Idiot: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE. [MERGETIME=1317732785][/MERGETIME] Sardar: My mobile bill how much? Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL. Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile? Teacher: Me? No, why? Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- "1 Miss Call". Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court. Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame? Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?" Smart Sardar Replied: "No! 35 Children R More than Enough!!" Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU" Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!. Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key Doctor: When? Sardar: 3 Months Ago Dr:Wat were u doing till now? Sardar: We were using duplicate key Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road??? Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office.... After finishing MBBS, Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said: Torch is okay"

For info on MP5- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heckler_%26_Koch_MP5