kenner

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is Jeff. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Susie. Since I retired several years ago, it has become necessary for Susie to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. But, I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But men, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I mean, I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she might as well make one for me too. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Susie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other. Sincerely, Jeff EDITOR'S NOTE: Jeff died suddenly on March 1 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Susie was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jeff somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club. __________________

Is it a nice summers day where you live?

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his. "Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering. "I got a ride down here in some guy's moustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off," wheezed Oscar. "Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. "You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?" So you can imagine the flea's surprise when, a month or so later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar - looking more chilled and miserable than before. "Listen," said Oscar, "I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off." "And so?" asked the first flea. "And so the next thing I know, I'm on this guy's moustache again!"

OOOne morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis. With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother."

Nice. LOL

Go for it tech..LOL

:lol:

A devout Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching from the Koran, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab, and opened the door. The Arab asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so bugger off and wait for a camel !!"

Lie Detector. A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie. He decides to test it out on his son at supper. "Where were you last night?" Son says, "I was at the library." The robot slaps son. "OK I was at a friend's house." "Doing what?" asked the father. "Watching a movie; Toy Story." Robot slaps son. "OK, it was porn!" cried the son. Father yells, "What? When I was your age I didn't know what porn was." The robot slaps the father. The mother laughs and says "He certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother.

LOL bud...

This lady went to a tattoo artist and told him she wanted a turkey tattooed on the upper most inner side of her left thigh. He had seen weirder, so he didn't think too much about it. Then she wanted a Santa tattooed on the upper most inner side of her right thigh. After he finished the last tattoo, he just couldn't help asking her, "Why the turkey and Santa?" She replied, "I'm tired of my husband complaining that there is nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

This is the ultimate response to a Dear John letter. Humor in the face of defeat. A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back. So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girl friend with the following note: "I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."

Looks great. Ctd did a great job.

Why it sucks being a dick! 10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master strangles you all the time. 8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body. 7. You shrink in cold water. 6. You never get a haircut. 5. You always hang around with 2 nuts. 4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole. 3. Your best friend is a pussy. 2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish. And the number one reason why it sucks to be a dick: 1. Every time you get excited, you throw up.

Don't you mean the apple????

Here we go again......

Nice shoes...

A reporter goes to a mental institution to do a story. He's walking around when he sees a man swinging a baseball bat. He walks up to him and asks, "Buddy, What the heck are you doing?". The man replies, "I'm Babe Ruth. One more home run and I'm outta' here." The reporter just nods and walks on. He sees another guy swinging a golf club on the other side of the room. He walks over and says, "Excuse me, but what the heck are you doing?" The guy says, "I'm Tiger Woods. One more hole in one and I'm outta' here." The reporter just nods and walks away. Then he sees another guy in the corner with a peanut on the end of his penis. He goes over and asks the guy what he thinks he's doing and the guy replies, "I'm fucking nuts and I ain't never getting outta' here!"

"Hello, Señor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead". "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?" "Si, Señor, that's the one." "Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?" "From eating the rotten meat, Señor Rod.." "Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?" "Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse." "Dead horse? What dead horse?" "The thoroughbred, Señor Rod." "My prize thoroughbred is dead?" "Yes, Señor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire, Señor." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire." "What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!" "Yes, Señor Rod." "But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?" "For the funeral, Señor Rod." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!" "Your wife's, Señor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft." SILENCE ... LONG SILENCE ... VERY LONG SILENCE ... "Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit."

Do you type with your toes?

Does that make 5 ????

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room,”Why are you down here at this time of night?” The husband looks up from his coffee, “I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?” he says solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. “Yes, I do” she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?” “Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?” “I remember that too” she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says … “I would have gotten out today.”

Not yet. Do you have a good copy?

Old man Bailey woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and pointed to his enormous boner. "You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we ought to do with it?" With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it."