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maddycze

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maddycze last won the day on June 23 2017

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About maddycze

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  1. Some guru on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and left incomplete... So I looked around my house to see things I'd started but hadn't finished. Then I finished off half a bottle of Vodka, a bottle of Black label, half a bottle of rum, two beers, 1/2 cream cake and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how fabulous I am feeling now. Please send this one to those you feel are in need of inner peace. God Bless The Guru.
  2. Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
  3. Interviewers ask routine questions to candidates.... Some weird answers.... Q - Tell us about yourself ? A - Yourself is pronoun used when the subject and object of the verb are you. Q - What are your expectations ? A - Salary. Q - What challenges you faced in your earlier job ? A - Staying awake after lunch !! Q - Why do you want to join our company ? A - Nobody else is taking me. Your company is closer to my home.... Q - What attracts you to our company ? A - The receptionist !! Q - Why you left your previous job ? A - Previous company shifted office and they didn't inform me new address !!! Q - Are you willing to travel 20 days in a month ? A - Yes... but just don't ask me where I had gone...!!
  4. maddycze

    Job Security

    After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Joe was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Joe's wages to pay for the repairs. "How much will it cost?" asked my Joe. "About $5,500," said the owner. "What a relief!" exclaimed Joe. "I've finally got job security!"
  5. The man was immaculately dressed. Fitted out more for the Ritz than the street. But in the street he lay dressed in black tail suit, patent leather shoes, top hat and bow tie, and very dead. "How did he get here?" asked Patrolman Muldoon. "He threw himself off the roof," said a bystander. "Does anyone know the man?" said Muldoon. "I do," said Barrie Quinn. "What religion is he?" asked the policeman. "Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim?' "None at all," said Quinn. "He's an atheist!' "What a shame,' said Muldoon. "All dressed up and nowhere to go!"
  6. maddycze

    Jesus, Help Me!

    A group of nuns were travelling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and try to change it, but being rather unworldly, they don't really know how. Luckily, a truck came along and the driver offered to change it for them. They gratefully accepted. As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack and he yelled, "Son-of-a-bitch" The eldest nun said to him, "That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn't use such language." "Sorry, Sister," he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost smashing his fingers. "Son-of- a-bitch," he yelled again. "Please, don't use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn't help us." "But I get so upset, and it just comes out." "Well," said the nun, "Say something else when you get upset, something like 'Sweet Jesus, help me.'" So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. And again it slipped. He started to say, "Son.." but he corrected himself and said, "Sweet Jesus, help me." At that, the car miraculously rose into the air all by itself. The nuns looked at the car in wonder, exclaiming in unison, "Son-of-a-bitch!"
  7. maddycze

    Lost In The Woods

    After spending several hours wandering through the woods, Santa and Banta are thoroughly lost. Disorientated, they sit down to discuss what to do next. "Hey, I have an idea," says Santa. "If we each fire three shots into the air, someone will hear them and come to help us." Banta agrees, so each of them fires their shots. An hour later, nobody has come to help, so they decide to fire three more shots. Another hour passes - still no one. "Okay lets try this one more time" says Santa. "Yaar Santa, this had better work," replies Banta. "These are our last arrows."
  8. maddycze

    Threat levels

    Sad to Hear
  9. maddycze

    Hello Friends

    Hello Everyone Out here.. I am From Netherlands... I am an Uploader and looking forward to Release my Stuffs here..and Newbie to this site.
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