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themachine71

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Posts posted by themachine71

  1. Posted · Report reply

     hours of waitingmy windows will not update. i have tried all the troubleshooters from microsoft. ive tried sfc scannow and dism and finds nothing and dism doesnt finish after 48 hours. im looking for something to scan for corruption. ive had this problem years ago and forgot how i fixed it. ive stopped and restarted the services multiple times. i am missing a windows file for updates somewhere. google is not helpful neither. i might just have to put windows back on the old fashion way. UPDATE; i used the reimage yesterday but it was just a trial. I scanned with malwarebytes just now and it found 9 tied to reimage. i guess i am resetting windows today. thank you everyone.

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  2. Posted · Report reply

    For some reason my pc will not update. Bits will not start, so i am wondering if this will actually fix it. I have tried it and scanned and it did find errors, but it would not fix them without a credit card. So i was wondering if anyone had reimage repair with working keys. Much appreciated. I could have sworn it was on cyberphoenix before, but a search tells me otherwise.

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  13. Posted · Report reply

    three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "your mom's the best sex in town." Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up at the far end of the bar. ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says "I just did your mom, and it was sweeeeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "your mom liked it !" Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home dad, your drunk."

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  15. Posted · Report reply

    An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried... with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

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  16. Posted · Report reply

    When jane initially met tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "tarzan not know sex", he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said "Oh....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree," Horriified jane said "tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing, and lay down on the ground. "Here," she said, pointing to her private, "you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her , and kicked her in the crotch! Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, she managed to gasp for air, and screamed, :What did you do that for?"  Tarzan replied," check for squirrel."

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  19. Posted · Report reply

    Putting movies on disc is old fashioned. Go out and buy a cheap dvd player with the usb port and easily watch a movie straight from the flash drive. no more buying discs. When you are done watching the movie, just simply delete it and drag the next movie over to the flash drive to watch it. DVD player = $28, flash drive 4 gb = $6. 

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