Deadman

Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys all on different branches, some going up & some down. The monkeys on the top look down & see happy faces, the monkeys on the bottom look up & see nothing but assholes!!

Man sat on a towel on beach. He had no arms or legs. 3 Women walked past, felt sorry for him. One said 'have you ever had a hug?' He said 'No', she hugged him & walkd on. 2nd one said 'have you ever had a kiss?' He said 'No', she kissed him & walkd on. 3rd one said 'have you ever been fucked?' He smiled and said 'No', she bent down and whispered in his ear 'you will be when the tide comes in'.

Mad Mary was whizzing round the mental hospital in her wheelchair when she was stopped by Crazy Carl. 'license please' said Carl. Mary sped off round the corner and bumped into Loony Leon. 'insurance please' said Leon. Off zoomed Mary again until she was stopped by Donkey Dave, naked with a eight inch hard on. 'Oh no' cried Mary, 'not the breathalyser again!