Beware....Some Naughty Stuff

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Top Twenty Signs She's Getting Bored Having Sex With You

 

 

20. After you request sex she replies, "Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in."

 

19. Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass.

 

18. Actually answers when you ask "Who's your daddy?"

 

17. Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire.

 

16. Only moans during commercial breaks.

 

15. Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.

 

14. Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.

 

13. Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.

 

12. You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show.

 

11. Beginning to think she is only "playing" dead.

 

10. During the act, she actually yelled out, "Oh, Baby, Yadda, Yadda,Yadda."

 

9. Has suddenly started making you pay in advance.

 

8. Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a .wav file.

 

7. Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on, too.

 

6. Keeps asking, "Are you SURE you're not gay?"

 

5. Boredom? So that's why she keeps deflating!!

 

4. Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.

 

3. Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better.

 

2. She yells out her own name.

 

1. Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin.

 

 

 

 

Jack and Jill went up the hill,

With a little keg of brandy.

Jack got stewed,

Jill got screwed,

Now it's Jack, and Jill, and Andy.

 

 

 

I ran in to Bill the other day and he clearly looked very distraught. I asked him what was wrong.

 

Bill said, "As you know, I am looking for employment.

 

I found an ad in the paper for a part in local dinner theater, Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

 

I went and tried out for the part of Romeo.

 

However, I failed my audition through a misunderstanding over a simple stage direction.

 

My copy of the script clearly said, "Enter Juliet from the rear."

 

 

 

 

 

A woman was out shopping one day with her son.

 

The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged.

 

The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!"

 

Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment.

 

For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare.

 

He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play.

 

Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall.

 

Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time.

 

So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo,what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parentheses?"